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I used to think that I wanted to pray like a fella in my prayer group. When I shared that with him, he set me straight. He told me that my “talk time” with God was not supposed to be like his. He then told me whatever I had to offer to God in prayer was 100% acceptable to God. It took a long time of thinking about that and coming to believe it.
Sometime later I spoke with a trusted spiritual guide. I shared with her that I felt guilty for not taking the time to pray the way I thought I should. She asked what I meant and I told her that I had good intentions of setting aside time but then I got caught up in the things of the day, my work and didn’t get to it. I did tell her that I prayed in church and sometimes with certain clients. She asked me if I had conscious awareness of God throughout my day. I told her yes, that often I think of Him in the “inter-stitches” during the day, times between activities, times when I’m in my car, and times when I’m in transitions. She simply said to me, “That’s prayer!” I was taken aback, but as I reflected on it, I realized she was right. She also told me not to worry about the structure and the amount of time. She also asked how God communicates with me. I told her in different ways – sometimes an idea in my head (“aha”), sometimes something from my reading, sometimes in a song or the words of another person, sometimes in what I see and, at times, just a sensation in my heart. She also pronounced this as fine and told me I was on the right track. I was relieved, but it still took me a while to work this through and to let some of the guilt dissipate for not doing it “the right way.”
“The power is in the One who hears it.” The receiver has all the power. He is a better listener than I! He hears and knows everything, even my weak and sometimes infrequent attempts to communicate with Him. He loves me just as I am, with all my shortcomings, blemishes and character defects – I’m still trying to wrap my head around that one! He doesn’t judge – He just loves me for who I am.
Be mindful of God’s presence in your life and you are already praying. Your prayers are not wasted. Be humble, contrite, thankful and ask on behalf of your self, and others. When in doubt, to paraphrase Mother Teresa, “Pray anyway!”
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“It’s all about the pain, . . . the pain, . . . the pain….”
Addiction starts out with physical or emotional pain. If you break your leg in a motorcycle accident or your lover rejects you, you will probably feel pain. You should feel pain – those are painful situations! Those prone to addiction usually have an irrational belief that says they should always feel “okay.” Now, they have a conflict – an experience they have labeled as “not okay” and the belief that they should feel okay. The need to resolve the conflict is high and they find that engaging in some behavior or taking some substance outside themselves into themselves will alter the feeling. Addictive behaviors and substances guarantee a change in feelings 100% of the time, in the short run. They don’t work in the long run; they wear off and the original pain returns. This time accompanied by guilt (i.e. what they did didn’t work) and frustration (i.e. they don’t know what else to do!). Instead of one source of pain there are now several and sooner, or later, the growing pain leads them back to the addictive behavior or substances for relief. Frequently people, places and things outside of themselves are blamed for causing the feelings that keep them locked in. That’s the prison – a hellish cycle of futile attempts to avoid pain by doing more and more of what doesn’t work.
Recovery begins by breaking the physical cycle of addiction if needed, i.e. separating the addict from the substance or behavior. This involves surrendering that their way has not worked and will continue not to work and that there are other, better ways. Early in recovery addicts need to be challenged and learn the new belief that whatever they are feeling is “okay.” They don’t have to like what they are feeling, but they have to give themselves permission to feel it and embrace it. After all, they’ve learned that running away from it does not work. Perhaps the opposite, embracing it, will work better. In twelve-step terminology, this is part of “acceptance.”
Surrender is about no longer expecting someone to unlock the prison. Acceptance means taking the keys, unlocking and opening your door, leaving the “bars” behind you [pun intended!], ascending the steps [again], rejoining others and learning a different way of living in community and fellowship.
“It’s all about the freedom, . . . the freedom, . . . the freedom….”
Happy 4th of July!
Peace,
John
TOUCHPOINTS, from Personal Growth Concepts, Inc. 