Fear or Anxiety?…..1/29/22

I disagree. I would change it to read “Please do not feed the anxieties.”  What’s the difference between anxiety and fear?  If I tell you there’s a 300 pound lion walking around your car right now in your driveway, what are you going to feel? Many will say “fear.” I believe what you’re really feeling is “anxious.”  However, if your door opened right now and that 300 pound lion walked in you would feel “fear”. With fear, the threat is imminent. When feeling “anxious,” you imagine a situation that might happen, like that lion attacking you when you next get in your car. It isn’t happening to you right now, and usually, not likely to happen either! I think it might have been Mark Twain who allegedly said, “A lot of terrible things happened in my life……, a couple of which actually occurred!” So, please don’t feed the anxieties, or that lion either!  Peace, John

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Getting Results……8/22/21

I’ve also heard it said: “Yard by yard it’s hard BUT, inch by inch it’s a cinch!” 

This is a good tool for those of us who procrastinate or have trouble staying focused.  Break a big project down into small pieces.  Then organize them in the order they need to be accomplished; then start working on them.  Surprisingly, this helps.  If you have problem focusing, it would also help to write down those steps in order and check them off as you accomplish each one.  I just finished a session with a disabled gentleman who is trying to register a car in Connecticut from another state.  We broke it down into steps – he already has the car here.  First, he has to get the title and the VIN.  Next, he has to call the insurance company and get it insured.  Then he has to get it inspected for emissions.  Then he needs to get an appointment at DMV to get it registered and have the bill of sale, registration application, title, and emissions report.  Easy peasy?  Overwhelming and complex project was broken down into 4 manageable steps for him.  Chipping away at it will also let us monitor his progress.  I’m hoping he’ll be able to have at least a couple of the steps completed when I talk with them next week.  See how it works?  Where can you apply these ideas in your life today?  Want BIG results?  Be patient and make “a little progress each day!”  Count your inches!   

Peace, John 

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Bad Attitudes…… 1/26/20

An attitude is a combination of how you feel and think about something.  It’s different from behavior, although behavior frequently reflects your attitudes.  Poor attitudes are usually the result of negative thinking and a judgment that whatever you’re feeling, you shouldn’t.  Change the tire!  Stop the car, get the jack out & the spare tire, pump up the vehicle, take off the lug nuts, replace it with the spare, tighten it up, lower the car, put all the stuff back in the trunk and get back on the road.  Then remember to repair it lest you get another flat!  What we’re saying is stop what isn’t getting you where you want to go, replace the attitude with healthy thinking and acceptance of whatever you’re feeling, lock it in and get back on the road to wherever it is your headed.  I guarantee the ride will be smoother.

Peace, John

How to leave a comment on this blog:

First, make sure that you are on the actual blog:

https://personalgrowthconcepts.wordpress.com (this is important if you are viewing the Touchpoints blog post on Facebook, LinkedIn, other locations or, if it has been forwarded to you by someone else). Above the picture and/or quote there is a title and a date. Just below that, in small print, are the categories and the tags. These are helpful if you’re using the search feature. At the end of those there are the words, “leave a comment.” Click on that and follow the directions. Once you have typed your comment and click send, I will be notified and approve the comment before it will be visible to all. Please let me know if you have any trouble with this.

 

Guest Blogger: On Bumpers, Potholes, and Letting Go… 6/27/18

“It’s like Luke is driving a car, and I just want to be in the passenger seat. He’s locked the door, and I have to hold onto the bumper. I’m not even asking him to open the door for me, just leave it unlocked and say ‘come in,’ but he didn’t do that. So I am hanging onto the bumper, and life goes on, and the car goes on, and I get really badly bruised, and I’m hitting potholes. And it hurts. It really hurts. So yesterday I had to let go of the bumper. Because it hurts too much.” ~ Lorelai Gilmore, Gilmore Girls

This week’s quote comes from one of my favorite shows, Gilmore Girls.  In the show, the main character has been engaged to her long-time love, but when life throws them some curveballs, their relationship gets shoved to the back-burner until the main character decides that it hurts too much to keep holding on and “lets go of the bumper.”  Unfortunately, this is a common scenario in many different types of relationships whether romantic in nature or not.  Where once someone was a welcome passenger and equal partner in another’s car, now they feel as though they’ve been kicked out and the only strand left of the relationship is the meager hold they have on the bumper. They desperately hope the other person will unlock the door and let them back in.  Holding onto someone else’s bumper is a painful position to be in.  And hope can sometimes be self-destructive.

Whose bumper are you holding onto?  Imagine what would be different in your life if you were able to let go of that bumper, maybe even if you were able to get in your own car and drive off!  A healthy relationship doesn’t involve one person driving the car while the other does the hard work of holding on, hitting potholes, and being dragged along wherever the driver chooses to go.  Rather, a healthy relationship is an equal partnership where both have the chance to ride along and navigate together.

Letting go of someone else’s bumper can be a terribly difficult thing to do.  It may mean accepting a change in your relationship that you’d rather not accept, letting go of an unhealthy or unhelpful idea of what your relationship “should” be, or maybe even feeling like you’ve failed in some way.  These are all challenging thoughts and feelings with which to contend.

Letting go of someone else’s bumper can also be a terrifically beneficial and liberating thing to do.  It can help you learn to drive your own car, to advocate for yourself and assert your worth and self-respect, and to begin to heal the wounds caused by the potholes and debris in the road.

So I ask again: Whose bumper are you holding onto? Might it possibly be time to let it go?

[Editor’s note:  Today’s guest blogger is Angelina Miceli, LCSW.  She will be leaving Personal Growth Concepts, Inc. soon for a better opportunity.  While we will miss her and her positive, “can do” attitude, at the same time we wish her well in all her future endeavors.] 

 

 

 

Praying…. 11/6/2016

I used to think that I wanted to pray like a fella in my prayer group. When I shared that with him, he set me straight. He told me that my “talk time” with God was not supposed to be like his.  He then told me whatever I had to offer to God in prayer was 100% acceptable to God.  It took a long time of thinking about that and coming to believe it.

Sometime later I spoke with a trusted spiritual guide.  I shared with her that I felt guilty for not taking the time to pray the way I thought I should. She asked what I meant and I told her that I had good intentions of setting aside time but then I got caught up in the things of the day, my work and didn’t get to it.  I did tell her that I prayed in church and sometimes with certain clients.  She asked me if I had conscious awareness of God throughout my day. I told her yes, that often I think of Him in the “inter-stitches” during the day, times between activities, times when I’m in my car, and times when I’m in transitions. She simply said to me, “That’s prayer!” I was taken aback, but as I reflected on it, I realized she was right. She also told me not to worry about the structure and the amount of time. She also asked how God communicates with me. I told her in different ways – sometimes an idea in my head (“aha”), sometimes something from my reading, sometimes in a song or the words of another person, sometimes in what I see and, at times, just a sensation in my heart.  She also pronounced this as fine and told me I was on the right track.  I was relieved, but it still took me a while to work this through and to let some of the guilt dissipate for not doing it “the right way.”

“The power is in the One who hears it.”  The receiver has all the power. He is a better listener than I!  He hears and knows everything, even my weak and sometimes infrequent attempts to communicate with Him.  He loves me just as I am, with all my shortcomings, blemishes and character defects – I’m still trying to wrap my head around that one!  He doesn’t judge – He just loves me for who I am.

Be mindful of God’s presence in your life and you are already praying.  Your prayers are not wasted.  Be humble, contrite, thankful and ask on behalf of your self, and others. When in doubt, to paraphrase Mother Teresa, “Pray anyway!”