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Renewing our minds is critical for living a life of victory over negative thoughts. Oftentimes we need to stop and pause in order to halt a downward spiral of emotions. Our emotions often flow from our thoughts. Taking each thought and considering whether or not it’s true can be an important step in curbing negative thinking. Does the thought have a basis in reality? Our imaginations can run down a rabbit trail essentially creating stories in our heads which are not grounded in truth. The antidote is to catch the thought as soon as you realize that it’s not productive or helpful. Developing an awareness of your thought patterns can lead to healthier ways of thinking which in turn can positively affect your emotions and your mental wellbeing. Renewing our minds involves not only the awareness and halting the negative thought but also in being grounded in truth. For me, holding onto my faith and meditating on scripture help to keep me centered. Every day I try to choose peace and faith over fear and worry. ~ KP
The above blog was written by Kristin Pardue from PGC’s business office. Kristin is in training to become a Marriage and Family Therapist. We can’t wait for her to finish her training and bless the world with her many talents. Thank you Kristin for sharing this blog with us and we hope there will be many more forthcoming, when your busy schedule allows. Peace, John
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“Apologizing chronically can be a sign that you are not feeling that you have much self-worth.”
Article & quote by Madisyn Taylor
Many people suffer with the tendency to apologize all the time, chronically, for everything. On the one hand, apologizing is a social convention that keeps interactions between people polite, and in that way it can be very helpful. On the other hand, if we find ourselves apologizing for everything, it might be time to look at why we feel compelled to say “I’m sorry” so often. Ultimately, saying you’re sorry is saying that you are responsible for something that has gone wrong in the situation. Whether it’s negotiating a parking spot, moving through the aisles of the supermarket, or reaching for what you want, there are times when sorry is the right thing to say. But there are other times when “excuse me” is more accurate.
Sometimes saying you’re sorry is like saying that the other person in the equation has more of a right to be here than you do. Of course, it’s true that using the word sorry can simply be an innocuous way of defusing tension. However, if you find that you say sorry all the time, you might want to look a little deeper and see where in your psyche that might be coming from. If it’s a pattern, breaking it may simply take some awareness and practice.
The first step is observing yourself each time you say it, without being hard on yourself about it. Throughout your day simply notice when you apologize. At first, you might be surprised to see that you do it even more than you first realized. After a day or two of simply observing, try to tune in to what it is you are feeling right before you say it. You might be feeling threatened, embarrassed, intensely anxious, or a variety of other feelings. Over time, try to stop yourself before the words come out and just be with the feeling that’s there. You may recognize it as one from your childhood, one that’s been with you for a long time. The more you are able to see it, the freer you will be not to be sorry all the time.
The above was not an original of mine but something I found on FB written by Madisyn Taylor that I copied, without permission, to share. You can find similar ones on FB by following DailyOM or by cutting and pasting this link into your browser: https://www.dailyom.com/
Peace, John
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For a relationship to be healthy both you, and the other person, must be: heard, acknowledged, respected, accepted and included! ~ John Pacheco
That quote came to me in a session a few months back.
Hearing doesn’t take place when one is talking over the other person, or preoccupied with some sort of distraction. Acknowledged means that your presence and communication have been received. Respect both the person and the message, even if, and especially if, you disagree. Accept as is (i.e. not judged or criticized). Are you included, in discussions and decisions that affect you and or the relationship? Do these characteristics apply to both?
When these elements are present it is easier to hear & communicate with one another. This leads to an easier time learning how to compromise and negotiate.
These are all factors that need to be in place for you to have a win-win relationship, either in your personal, work or leisure life. From time to time I fall short on most of them – it’s the awareness and effort that helps – also, the commitment. Develop these habits and look for them in others. It is worth the effort; your reward will be in the healthiness of your relationships!
Peace, John
I invite you to be a guest blogger. Find a quote that speaks to you and write a few sentences about it and what it means to you. Send it all to me in an email with subject line reading “Guest blogger.” I will review and publish it, with gratitude, and with the hope that others will benefit from it as well. Peace, John
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While I am generally not a fan of Sigmund Freud, the above quote certainly has value. What we feel needs to be identified and accepted. Perhaps the easiest way of doing this is to discuss them with someone close to us, i.e. someone “safe.” It’s important when sharing feelings that you choose healthy people, ones who will listen, not judge and not ask why you’re feeling what you’re feeling. Others’ acceptance of your feelings helps create the environment where you can accept them too.
Painful feelings could be “repressed,” i.e. pushed out of conscious awareness by our psyche which is attempting to protect us from something that is usually traumatic. More often, painful feelings get “suppressed.” This means we are aware of them but we try to make believe they don’t exist or they don’t bother us. Notice the mask in the picture above. This leaves us working against ourselves and is not productive. It may also contribute to depression.
If what you’ve been doing with your feelings hasn’t been working, why not stop burying them alive where they will come back to haunt you? Instead simply try to name and accept them. No need to fix what isn’t broken, just like there’s no need to bury what’s still alive! Remember, you don’t need to approve or like something to accept it!
Your feedback on this post, and willingness to share it would be appreciated.
Peace, John
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I used to think that I wanted to pray like a fella in my prayer group. When I shared that with him, he set me straight. He told me that my “talk time” with God was not supposed to be like his. He then told me whatever I had to offer to God in prayer was 100% acceptable to God. It took a long time of thinking about that and coming to believe it.
Sometime later I spoke with a trusted spiritual guide. I shared with her that I felt guilty for not taking the time to pray the way I thought I should. She asked what I meant and I told her that I had good intentions of setting aside time but then I got caught up in the things of the day, my work and didn’t get to it. I did tell her that I prayed in church and sometimes with certain clients. She asked me if I had conscious awareness of God throughout my day. I told her yes, that often I think of Him in the “inter-stitches” during the day, times between activities, times when I’m in my car, and times when I’m in transitions. She simply said to me, “That’s prayer!” I was taken aback, but as I reflected on it, I realized she was right. She also told me not to worry about the structure and the amount of time. She also asked how God communicates with me. I told her in different ways – sometimes an idea in my head (“aha”), sometimes something from my reading, sometimes in a song or the words of another person, sometimes in what I see and, at times, just a sensation in my heart. She also pronounced this as fine and told me I was on the right track. I was relieved, but it still took me a while to work this through and to let some of the guilt dissipate for not doing it “the right way.”
“The power is in the One who hears it.” The receiver has all the power. He is a better listener than I! He hears and knows everything, even my weak and sometimes infrequent attempts to communicate with Him. He loves me just as I am, with all my shortcomings, blemishes and character defects – I’m still trying to wrap my head around that one! He doesn’t judge – He just loves me for who I am.
Be mindful of God’s presence in your life and you are already praying. Your prayers are not wasted. Be humble, contrite, thankful and ask on behalf of your self, and others. When in doubt, to paraphrase Mother Teresa, “Pray anyway!”
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“There is a Zen story I’d like to share: Two monks were returning home in the evening to their temple. It had been raining and the road was very muddy. They came to an intersection where a beautiful girl was standing, unable to cross the street because of the mud. Just in the moment, the first monk picked her up in his arms and carried her across. The monks then continued on their way. Later that night the second monk, unable to restrain himself any longer, said to the first, “How could you do that? We monks should not even look at females, much less touch them. Especially young and beautiful ones.” “I left the girl there,” the first monk said, “are you still carrying her?””
~~from a Workbook for Healing: Adult Children of Alcoholics by Patty McConnell; Joseph Goldstein, The Experience of Insight: A Simple and Direct Guide to Buddhist Meditation. (Boulder: Shambhala, 1983), 20-21
also found in Chicken Soup for the Soul, p 289, attributed to Irmgard Schloegl, The Wisdom of Zen Masters
Zen today! Zen is a Japanese form of Buddhism believing in the awareness of now and that all things are made from the same substance. Being in the moment, so to speak. And, “letting go” …. Ah, the moment is passed (past? :)) and will not come again. Can we let that go too? What is it from your past that you hold onto? Does holding onto it help you with the reality of your today? Do you need to accept it first? Can you save it as simply a memory? What would it cost to let go of the grip it has on you? What would happen if you let go of it? How? Now!
ZAZEN!
(Zazen is a meditative discipline to calm the body and the mind, and involves concentration to experience insight into the nature of existence and thereby gain enlightenment)
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“DON’T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY! Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” ~ Don Miguel Ruiz
This will definitely help you develop a thicker skin! How many times has what others said of you, got you ticked off? How many times did you assume you knew what they were thinking when they said something? Do you react to others’ words, take them personally and as an affront to your well-being or character? If so, you are giving others’ thoughts and words power over you! Do you really want to do this? You are letting them define you – that’s not healthy! Reclaim your “self!” Knowing who you are and thinking well of your “self” will leave you less likely to fall victim to others’ notions, and it will save you suffering. Why not value your awareness of your “self” more and others’ opinions of you “less?” Can you start today? Right now? Start with the following affirmation: “I am who I am, and who I am is OK!”
And now, a message for all you dads and stepdads out there: HAPPY FATHERS DAY!
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“I feel warm and loving toward myself, for I am a unique and precious being, ever doing the best my awareness permits, ever-growing in wisdom and love.” ~ an affirmation
Another affirmation! Affirmations are positive, “I statements” we give ourselves to help boost our self-esteem, self-worth, and self-confidence. Many of us struggle with leftover hurts from our childhood, relationships or personal story. The negative messages we were given, or gave to ourselves, still linger. Using positive affirmations is a way to reverse those messages, instill new message patterns and help ourselves heal.
Usually, saying an affirmation once does little to reverse a habituated pattern. Try repeating it often. I’ve known some people to write them on 3×5 cards which they carry with them and others to put them on sticky notes and affix them to places like their speedometer, checkbook or mirror. You can also try writing it down several times as a way to anchor it.
Our brain is forgiving. It tends to give more weight and credibility to what we send it most recently. I think I am paraphrasing Shakespeare when I tell you that, “As a person thinketh, so shall they become.” Positive self thoughts, please!
Please consider commenting on this blog post. To do so, you must be at www.personalgrowthconcepts.wordpress.com and find the appropriate post. At the top of the post, right under the title, there is a list of tags, and then the word “comment.” If you click on “comment” you can then type something which will get forwarded to me for approval. Let’s see how many answers I can get to these two questions: “How do you use affirmations?” and “In what creative ways can you use affirmations in your life?”
If you’ve read this far, here is a bonus for you. Check out Louise Hay’s Daily Affirmation here: http://www.louisehay.com/affirmations/
TOUCHPOINTS, from Personal Growth Concepts, Inc. 