Dealing With Anger?….1/19/20

Mask… prevents others from seeing who you are or what’s really going on with you!  Do you want to be disingenuous like this?  I encourage clients who are feeling angry to focus on themselves and find out what the feelings are underneath the anger.  The ones listed above are usually amongst the top ones.  Asking them, and having them identify the feelings underneath the umbrella help them process it.  This usually dissipates the intensity of the anger.  Remember, whatever you are feeling at any point in time is valid and acceptable.  What gets you in trouble may be what you choose to do or not do with the feelings, i.e. react or deny. What have you been doing with your feelings?

Peace, John

I invite you to become a guest blogger.  It’s easy,  find a quote that speaks to you and write a few sentences about it and what it means to you, or what it means in general.  Send it all to me in an email with subject line reading “Guest blogger.”  I will review and publish it, with gratitude, and with the hope that others will benefit from it as well.  If you need some help, I can furnish you with a quote or several to pick from – I have hundreds of them.  Let me know.   Peace,  John  

 

Guest Blogger: Relationships after Separation/Divorce…. 3/7/18

 

Relationships after separation/divorce: Sounds easy, exciting – finally back out there in an intimate relationship….  But, you may need to learn how to set up boundaries with a new relationship.  You may experience triggers from earlier situations, even if it’s been years since your breakup or divorce.  A perceived controlling behavior from a new partner may make you run in the opposite direction.

Most marriages end because something on a fundamental level is no longer working, or never worked in the first place.  It may have been infidelity, mistrust, poor communication, a low-level of commitment, or some combination.  In your next relationship, change and self-reflection are a must;  if not, before you know it you could end up  back in the same situation that caused the divorce in the first place, or worse!  If your previous partner had issues with anger, verbal abuse, alcohol, drugs, or any dysfunctional behavior, you will need to decide the traits and characteristics in your new partner that are, or aren’t,  acceptable to you.

Time does not necessarily heal all wounds.  Healing comes from taking care of the emotional wound by being honest with yourself, acknowledging your hurt, and working through it.  It’s ok to sometimes not be ok, but we don’t want to be “stuck” in the same place forever.  In your new relationship you may need more patience, more understanding, more compassion, for yourself and your new partner.  Moving slower than you feel is necessary is most often the wisest choice.  Listen to your new partner, listen to understand, communicate clearly, trust yourself, and if it doesn’t feel right, it’s probably not right.  Plan to give to the relationship more than ever before and experience the joy and fulfillment of having a beautiful person who will walk by your side jumping through the hoops of life.  Have a “the best is yet to come” attitude.

Blessings,  J and K

Thank you J & K for being our guest bloggers today and taking the time to share information about how to have healthier relationships after one (or two!) has ended.  Remember: a relationship has to think right, as well as feel right!   Peace,  John

Praying…. 11/6/2016

I used to think that I wanted to pray like a fella in my prayer group. When I shared that with him, he set me straight. He told me that my “talk time” with God was not supposed to be like his.  He then told me whatever I had to offer to God in prayer was 100% acceptable to God.  It took a long time of thinking about that and coming to believe it.

Sometime later I spoke with a trusted spiritual guide.  I shared with her that I felt guilty for not taking the time to pray the way I thought I should. She asked what I meant and I told her that I had good intentions of setting aside time but then I got caught up in the things of the day, my work and didn’t get to it.  I did tell her that I prayed in church and sometimes with certain clients.  She asked me if I had conscious awareness of God throughout my day. I told her yes, that often I think of Him in the “inter-stitches” during the day, times between activities, times when I’m in my car, and times when I’m in transitions. She simply said to me, “That’s prayer!” I was taken aback, but as I reflected on it, I realized she was right. She also told me not to worry about the structure and the amount of time. She also asked how God communicates with me. I told her in different ways – sometimes an idea in my head (“aha”), sometimes something from my reading, sometimes in a song or the words of another person, sometimes in what I see and, at times, just a sensation in my heart.  She also pronounced this as fine and told me I was on the right track.  I was relieved, but it still took me a while to work this through and to let some of the guilt dissipate for not doing it “the right way.”

“The power is in the One who hears it.”  The receiver has all the power. He is a better listener than I!  He hears and knows everything, even my weak and sometimes infrequent attempts to communicate with Him.  He loves me just as I am, with all my shortcomings, blemishes and character defects – I’m still trying to wrap my head around that one!  He doesn’t judge – He just loves me for who I am.

Be mindful of God’s presence in your life and you are already praying.  Your prayers are not wasted.  Be humble, contrite, thankful and ask on behalf of your self, and others. When in doubt, to paraphrase Mother Teresa, “Pray anyway!”