Dealing with Feelings…….8/14/22

Whoever said “Feelings are not forever,” was probably right. Many of us spend a lot of time trying to get rid of feelings we would rather not have. Wasted time! Feelings just happen. True they may be triggered by somebody, something, an event or an external message we receive or an internal message we give ourselves. We are directly powerless over our feelings. It helps if we identify the cluster of feelings that we are experiencing and then accept them as our reality for that moment. If we’ve done these two things, really done them, and we don’t like the feelings, we may be able to influence those feelings by changing some of our behaviors and/or our thoughts. There’s a lot of wisdom in these few sentences, don’t you think?  Peace, John 

I invite you to become a guest blogger.  It’s easy, find a quote that speaks to you and write a few sentences about it and what it means to you, or what it means in general. Send it all to me in an email (jpacheco@personalgrowthconcepts.com) with subject line reading “Guest blogger.”  I will review and publish it, with gratitude, and with the hope that others will benefit from it as well.  If you need some help, I can furnish you with a quote or several to pick from – I have hundreds of them. Let me know.   Peace,  John   

Managing Your Time…..5/2/21

This is a variation on a joke I sometimes share with my clients: did you hear about the butcher who backed into the meat grinder, and got a little “behind” in his work? 😊 Truthfully, when the last time you thought about how you manage your time, your “to do” list and your goals?  Do you use a calendar?  Digital?  Daily or weekly planner?  Do you bother to write things down that you want to do when you think of them?  Do you take a little time each week and each month to review what you’ve accomplished and where you are headed?  I’m always looking for a more efficient way to track my “to do” tasks.  I’ve literally checked out and used at least a dozen time management “to do” apps over the last 6-7 years.  I’m still looking, hoping to increase my efficiency and shave off wasted time.  If you’re interested in managing your time better, I’d be happy to chat with you briefly.  Let me know.  I have a variety of time management forms, schedules, calendars, to do lists, tips that I’m willing to share.  I’ve learned that a little time invested in managing your time saves gobs of time, and reaps many benefits.  Someone once said, “Failing to plan is planning to fail!  Peace, John

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To Hope or Not To Hope? ……3/7/21

Sounds logical doesn’t it?  How many times have you wanted something so bad and kept turning the doorknob?  Hope can be a funny thing – skewing our logic.

I’m reminded of a study I once read.  A group of scientists built a rat maze and trained a group of rats to run it. When the rats got to the end, there was a reinforcement;  they pushed a lever and got some rat food. The scientists then made the exact same maze but human size, sheetrocking 2 rooms in the laboratory.  They then got a group of human subjects and trained them to run the human-size maze the exact same way they had trained the rats. At the end, the human subjects would push their lever and get a human reinforcement, probably something like M&Ms. When the scientists knew both the rats and humans were successful and knew how to run their respective mazes, they stopped the reinforcement totally. The rats would run their maze, push the lever …… nothing! The humans ran their maze, pushed the lever …… nothing!  The rats ran their maze 6 or 7 times, got nothing, and stopped running the maze.  The humans, 2 days later were still running their maze!!!  

[A-mazing!:)] What does that say about our “evolved brains” and our emotions?  

Hope can be a powerful incentive for us to persist, but, it can also lead us down the path of wasted time and effort.  Hope needs to be balanced with reasoning and logic. Sometimes there is more than one way to open a door; other times, it’s not meant for you to open. Like the rats, your time might be better spent looking for what you want somewhere else. Don’t be afraid to walk away from some locked doors.  Peace, John   

Please send me some feedback on this blog. What did you like about it? What didn’t you like? What topics would you like to hear my thoughts on.  You may also send me an email and a quote that you might like to see me write about on my blog.  You can email your comments to me at jpacheco@personalgrowthconcepts.com  Please put the word “blog” in the subject line.  I thank you in advance and wish you well in who you are and in all that you do. 

Worry Jar……11/15/20

I don’t know if you can read clearly the top of the above graphic so I’ve written it out here for you.  It says–

A “Worry Jar” is a helpful way to decrease your anxious thoughts and worries.  Placing your thoughts in the jar will help get them off your mind, at least for a little while.  What are some things you’d like to stop worrying about for now?  Write them in the jar!

The worry jar is a frequently used tool for clients who are anxious.  They think about the future and imagine negative happenings, most of which will probably not occur.  A lot of time and emotional energy is wasted this way.  Is this an escape from the reality of the present?  You can physically get a jar (large one if you worry a lot 😊) and as you identify worries throughout your day, jot them down on a slip of paper and place them into the jar.  Try to let them go, into the jar.  Then, once a day at a set time, pull them out and do all your worrying all at once.  If you do this in the morning, you can get all your worrying done for the rest of the day.  If you do it in the evening you can “clear the slate” at the end of the day and hopefully, have a restful slumber.  When you’re done each day, throw them all away; you may even want to rip them to pieces!).  Repeat the process again.

Doing this may sound bizarre, but be careful not to criticize until you’ve tried it.  The secret is putting it in the jar and letting go, freeing yourself from the needless worry, anxiety and returning back to the here and now.

An alternative to the jar and the scraps of paper is suggested above.  Draw a picture of a big jar and write your worries on the picture, in the jar.  You’ll need some paper on hand, one sheet for each day. 

Peace, John

Please send me some feedback on this blog. Have you tried it, or if you try it once you read about it, how well it worked/works for you? What did you like about the blog? What don’t you like? What topics would you like to hear my thoughts on?  You may also send me an email and a quote that you might like to see me write about on my blog.  You can email your comments to me at jpacheco@personalgrowthconcepts.com Please put the word “blog” in the subject line.  I thank you in advance and wish you well in who you are and in all that you do.

Self Criticizing…… 4/15/18

It’s bad enough when others put you down, so why would you do it to yourself?  It doesn’t work and, it doesn’t reverse the damage that’s been done by others.  It only adds to it and makes you feel worse about your self.  Perhaps you learned to criticize yourself from hypercritical parents and/or other authority figures. Perhaps they were teaching you what they had learned themselves.  You learned wrong because they didn’t know what they had learned was untrue.  They were teaching you what they knew but, guess what?  FAKE NEWS!  Now it’s up to you to repair the damage.  It’s easy to say, “Stop criticizing yourself” but doing it is another matter.  Two things to try:  First, every time you catch yourself putting yourself down, say, “but…….” and finish the sentence with a positive statement about yourself.  The human psyche hates wasted effort. If you do this repeatedly and frequently, soon the critical part will drop out and you’ll just be left with  positive statements.  Second, just try the positive statements (also known as affirmations).  Those are affirming of your sense of self and, over time, should enhance both your self-esteem and your self-worth.  That’s just what Louise Hay ordered. Care enough to value yourself. Do it! You deserve the best!

Peace, John

 

Now….3/4/18

Where do you spend the majority of the time in your mind?  If you spend it in the past, much of it is wasted since there is nothing you can change about what has been.  If you spend it in some tomorrow, you may become stuck in an illusion, or delusion, of what might be, but probably won’t be.  If you are not in the “now,” then you are paralyzed to effect any change.

How to get to the “now?”  Be aware of where your mind is and when you find yourself not in the “now” head back to the now.  As Eckhart advises, realize that your life is not yesterday, not tomorrow.  Your “life is only ever now!”

Peace, John

 

 

Praying…. 11/6/2016

I used to think that I wanted to pray like a fella in my prayer group. When I shared that with him, he set me straight. He told me that my “talk time” with God was not supposed to be like his.  He then told me whatever I had to offer to God in prayer was 100% acceptable to God.  It took a long time of thinking about that and coming to believe it.

Sometime later I spoke with a trusted spiritual guide.  I shared with her that I felt guilty for not taking the time to pray the way I thought I should. She asked what I meant and I told her that I had good intentions of setting aside time but then I got caught up in the things of the day, my work and didn’t get to it.  I did tell her that I prayed in church and sometimes with certain clients.  She asked me if I had conscious awareness of God throughout my day. I told her yes, that often I think of Him in the “inter-stitches” during the day, times between activities, times when I’m in my car, and times when I’m in transitions. She simply said to me, “That’s prayer!” I was taken aback, but as I reflected on it, I realized she was right. She also told me not to worry about the structure and the amount of time. She also asked how God communicates with me. I told her in different ways – sometimes an idea in my head (“aha”), sometimes something from my reading, sometimes in a song or the words of another person, sometimes in what I see and, at times, just a sensation in my heart.  She also pronounced this as fine and told me I was on the right track.  I was relieved, but it still took me a while to work this through and to let some of the guilt dissipate for not doing it “the right way.”

“The power is in the One who hears it.”  The receiver has all the power. He is a better listener than I!  He hears and knows everything, even my weak and sometimes infrequent attempts to communicate with Him.  He loves me just as I am, with all my shortcomings, blemishes and character defects – I’m still trying to wrap my head around that one!  He doesn’t judge – He just loves me for who I am.

Be mindful of God’s presence in your life and you are already praying.  Your prayers are not wasted.  Be humble, contrite, thankful and ask on behalf of your self, and others. When in doubt, to paraphrase Mother Teresa, “Pray anyway!”