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For a relationship to be healthy both you, and the other person, must be: heard, acknowledged, respected, accepted and included! ~ John Pacheco
That quote came to me in a session a few months back.
Hearing doesn’t take place when one is talking over the other person, or preoccupied with some sort of distraction. Acknowledged means that your presence and communication have been received. Respect both the person and the message, even if, and especially if, you disagree. Accept as is (i.e. not judged or criticized). Are you included, in discussions and decisions that affect you and or the relationship? Do these characteristics apply to both?
When these elements are present it is easier to hear & communicate with one another. This leads to an easier time learning how to compromise and negotiate.
These are all factors that need to be in place for you to have a win-win relationship, either in your personal, work or leisure life. From time to time I fall short on most of them – it’s the awareness and effort that helps – also, the commitment. Develop these habits and look for them in others. It is worth the effort; your reward will be in the healthiness of your relationships!
Peace, John
I invite you to be a guest blogger. Find a quote that speaks to you and write a few sentences about it and what it means to you. Send it all to me in an email with subject line reading “Guest blogger.” I will review and publish it, with gratitude, and with the hope that others will benefit from it as well. Peace, John
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The past just is. It doesn’t need to be solved. It needs to be accepted. Guilt is usually just a wasted emotion and keeping you stuck in the past, i.e. “I should have….” or “They could have….”
No problem in the past – just challenges in the present…
And as far as anxiety goes – it’s much ado about nothing. Most of the things we negatively project about never come to pass. I believe it’s Mark Twain who once said, “A lot of awful things happened to me in my life… a few of which actually occurred!” 🙂 Worrying about the future takes you away from the present. You can’t do anything about the future, you can only change today.
Instead of thinking about life looking back or looking forward, why not try living in today. There is no guilt, depression or anxiety in the now. Keep coming back to the now and enjoy its presence!
Peace, John
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I wish you and your loved ones a very Merry Christmas and a happy and blessed New Year!
This time of year, I always issue a request that you be mindful, in your happiness, that not everyone is in the same spirit. Many of our loved ones are going through their first holiday season without someone who was close to them. Many also struggle with loneliness, depression and personal difficulties. I ask that you be mindful of how your words and activities may affect them. Most need more of your time and listening then they do any kind of gifts. Remember, your non-judgmental presence can be one of the best presents you can give them!
Thank you for following my blog and sharing my wisdom.
Peace, John
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I used to think that I wanted to pray like a fella in my prayer group. When I shared that with him, he set me straight. He told me that my “talk time” with God was not supposed to be like his. He then told me whatever I had to offer to God in prayer was 100% acceptable to God. It took a long time of thinking about that and coming to believe it.
Sometime later I spoke with a trusted spiritual guide. I shared with her that I felt guilty for not taking the time to pray the way I thought I should. She asked what I meant and I told her that I had good intentions of setting aside time but then I got caught up in the things of the day, my work and didn’t get to it. I did tell her that I prayed in church and sometimes with certain clients. She asked me if I had conscious awareness of God throughout my day. I told her yes, that often I think of Him in the “inter-stitches” during the day, times between activities, times when I’m in my car, and times when I’m in transitions. She simply said to me, “That’s prayer!” I was taken aback, but as I reflected on it, I realized she was right. She also told me not to worry about the structure and the amount of time. She also asked how God communicates with me. I told her in different ways – sometimes an idea in my head (“aha”), sometimes something from my reading, sometimes in a song or the words of another person, sometimes in what I see and, at times, just a sensation in my heart. She also pronounced this as fine and told me I was on the right track. I was relieved, but it still took me a while to work this through and to let some of the guilt dissipate for not doing it “the right way.”
“The power is in the One who hears it.” The receiver has all the power. He is a better listener than I! He hears and knows everything, even my weak and sometimes infrequent attempts to communicate with Him. He loves me just as I am, with all my shortcomings, blemishes and character defects – I’m still trying to wrap my head around that one! He doesn’t judge – He just loves me for who I am.
Be mindful of God’s presence in your life and you are already praying. Your prayers are not wasted. Be humble, contrite, thankful and ask on behalf of your self, and others. When in doubt, to paraphrase Mother Teresa, “Pray anyway!”
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Corrie ten Boom used to say, “When the train goes through a tunnel and the world gets dark, do you jump out? Of course not. You sit still and trust the engineer to get you through.” Maybe that’s what you need to do, my friend. Your wounds are deep. Your disappointments are heavy. Remember the story of the Emmaus-bound disciples? The Savior they thought was dead now walked beside them. And something happened in their hearts (Luke 24:12 – 14). Maybe you are disappointed like they were. But, can you sense the presence of Christ beside you? Don’t give up. Don’t jump out. Be patient and let God remind you… He’s in control!” ~Max Lucado, He Still Moves Stones
TOUCHPOINTS, from Personal Growth Concepts, Inc. 