Habits…… 7/11/21

A habit gets established when we do something over and over again until we do it without consciously thinking about it.  Repetition contributes.  We can judge our habits as good, useful, productive, or as negative, not helpful to us, or counterproductive.  Where did you learn some of your current habits?  Are they helpful to you?

I disagree with the last statement in the quote above.  We are more than what we do, and therein lies the hope – the hope that we can change and improve any poor habits that we may have developed.  I believe we are more than our behaviors.  We have thoughts and feelings as well as behaviors that define us.  We can change our thinking as well as our behaviors.  If we have a poor habit and we want to change it, we need to become mindful of the behavior, figure out an alternative behavior that will be more beneficial for us and practice it, repetitively, until it replaces the old habit.  While changing there is much internal conflict. The old habit doesn’t give way without a fight. The new habit is weak at first. Practice it, practice it, practice it! There, now you have it, the formula for changing unhealthy habits. Where in your life can you apply this formula? Peace, John

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Of Goals and Feelings…. 6/9/19

Setting realistic and measurable goals is important.  Writing them down and reading them daily helps you achieve them.  When you start trying to figure out where you want to be or what you want to accomplish, you use your brain, your thought process.  If you get too many feelings going on when you try and set goals for yourself, they may interfere with the process.  They may also interfere with your attainment.  Be mindful of your feelings while you work on your goals, but persist.  Frequently feelings can sidetrack you from the effort you need to reach your goals.  Accept your feelings and work hard to achieve your goals.

Peace, John

I invite you to be a guest blogger.  Find a quote that speaks to you and write a few sentences about it and what it means to you. Send it all to me in an email with subject line reading “Guest blogger.”  I will review and publish it, with gratitude, and with the hope that others will benefit from it as well.   Peace,  John  

 

Putting Self First…. 1/13/19

I don’t know about you but I’ve been working on this one recently – sometimes with positive results, and sometimes falling short.  I’m working on it!  My occupation is prone to putting others first and I am frequently reminded of my need to balance those priorities.  Both are important; frequently the scales tip too far in one direction, not so much in the other.  I have to be mindful and ready to rebalance, add weight to the side that is out of balance.  I know there will never be perfect balance – it’s a process, constantly rebalancing.  It’s okay to be selfish at times.  I’ve been known to tell clients, “Would you rather be selfish, or selfless?”  Something to think about!  In the meantime, take good care of yourself and get used to rebalancing!

Peace, John

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How to Change….12/9/18

  

This quote helps me understand why it is so difficult for many people to make changes.  Not changing protects the comfort zone until the comfort zone begins to fall apart due to emotional pain.  Not changing is like water building up behind a dam.  The dam is only so strong and, at some point, the pressure breaks the dam and floods the valley.  Do you want to wait until that happens or would you rather open the dam a little bit, reduce the “pressure,” let some water through and still have some sense of control?

To make changes in your life is challenging.  When you begin to get uncomfortable you might think about changing but then “all the reasons not to,” kick in.  Even when you attempt to make a little bit of a change, there is a certain discomfort trying something different for the first time.  The old habits resist the change and the new ways aren’t strong enough to settle into the healthier pattern yet.

My suggestion: start small, be mindful and persist.  Persistence is what pays off.  The easiest way to change a habit is to find an opposite positive habit and keep repeating it until it becomes automatic.  When you’re repeating the new habit you’re not reinforcing the old one.  Soon it will atrophy (fancy word for “waste away through disuse!”)

Now that you have this wisdom, what little corner of your life are you going to start changing today?  You are worth reducing your emotional pain and reducing your fear at the same time!  Two-fers!

Peace, John

In addition to following me on Facebook and Twitter, you can also follow Personal Growth Concepts, Inc. on Facebook (@PersonalGrowthConceptsInc) and on Twitter (@PGCCounseling)

 

Grieving Mindfulness …. 12/18/16

I wish you and your loved ones a very Merry Christmas and a happy and blessed New Year!

This time of year, I always issue a request that you be mindful, in your happiness, that not everyone is in the same spirit. Many of our loved ones are going through their first holiday season without someone who was close to them. Many also struggle with loneliness, depression and personal difficulties. I ask that you be mindful of how your words and activities may affect them. Most need more of your time and listening then they do any kind of gifts. Remember, your non-judgmental presence can be one of the best presents you can give them!

Thank you for following my blog and sharing my wisdom.

Peace, John

Praying…. 11/6/2016

I used to think that I wanted to pray like a fella in my prayer group. When I shared that with him, he set me straight. He told me that my “talk time” with God was not supposed to be like his.  He then told me whatever I had to offer to God in prayer was 100% acceptable to God.  It took a long time of thinking about that and coming to believe it.

Sometime later I spoke with a trusted spiritual guide.  I shared with her that I felt guilty for not taking the time to pray the way I thought I should. She asked what I meant and I told her that I had good intentions of setting aside time but then I got caught up in the things of the day, my work and didn’t get to it.  I did tell her that I prayed in church and sometimes with certain clients.  She asked me if I had conscious awareness of God throughout my day. I told her yes, that often I think of Him in the “inter-stitches” during the day, times between activities, times when I’m in my car, and times when I’m in transitions. She simply said to me, “That’s prayer!” I was taken aback, but as I reflected on it, I realized she was right. She also told me not to worry about the structure and the amount of time. She also asked how God communicates with me. I told her in different ways – sometimes an idea in my head (“aha”), sometimes something from my reading, sometimes in a song or the words of another person, sometimes in what I see and, at times, just a sensation in my heart.  She also pronounced this as fine and told me I was on the right track.  I was relieved, but it still took me a while to work this through and to let some of the guilt dissipate for not doing it “the right way.”

“The power is in the One who hears it.”  The receiver has all the power. He is a better listener than I!  He hears and knows everything, even my weak and sometimes infrequent attempts to communicate with Him.  He loves me just as I am, with all my shortcomings, blemishes and character defects – I’m still trying to wrap my head around that one!  He doesn’t judge – He just loves me for who I am.

Be mindful of God’s presence in your life and you are already praying.  Your prayers are not wasted.  Be humble, contrite, thankful and ask on behalf of your self, and others. When in doubt, to paraphrase Mother Teresa, “Pray anyway!”

Be careful what you think about… 7/19/15

“Whatever you’re thinking about is literally like planning a future event. When you’re worrying, you are planning. When you are appreciating, you are planning…What are you planning?”  ~ Esther Abraham-Hicks, author and motivational speaker

How true?  I guess the lesson is  summed up simply,  “Be mindful of what your brain is doing!”  Feeling anxious, another word for worrying, takes you away from the present and put you out there somewhere in your future.  If you are doing a lot of worrying then you need to be aware that it may be self-fulfilling.  What you think about is more likely to happen.  One school of thought says that what you put out in terms of thought energy, attracts similar energy. So, if you are putting out a lot of negative thoughts, those things that you are focusing on/worrying about are more likely to occur.  In that case, you are working against your self!

Instead, if you put out positive energy, you are more likely to attract positive things into your life.  The self-help programs have a phrase that is apropos: develop the “attitude of gratitude.”  What do you want in your life these days? What are you planning?