Image result for throughout life people will make you mad

Today’s Guest Blogger, BP, is a long-time friend and former employee of Personal Growth Concepts, Inc.  I welcome her wisdom and willingness to share.  She chose the quote above and writes:

I spoke of this at a recent meeting:

Hate consumes my heart when I put other peoples’ needs and wants before mine. I develop resentments because, not only do I put myself second, third or fourth or not at all, and they are happy and content and I am NOT.  They also do not measure up to my expectations of what they should be doing to ‘re-pay’ me for everything I have done for them!  So, what I do is, ask God to show me how to take care of my needs and to handle the people who don’t like it that I now have boundaries!  😊

Thank you!  You, yes you, the reader, can become a guest blogger. Pick a quote that has had a personal impact on you.  Send me an email (subject line: guest blogger) at:   jpacheco@personalgrowthconcepts.com with the quote, its source, if you know it, and a few sentences or a short paragraph of what the quote means to you or how you relate to it.  I’ll review and periodically share them with those following my blog. Thank  you.  

Peace, John

Related image

Sometimes, when I’ve had a busy, hectic day, I gather my concerns and worries, lump them together and tell God, “Here, take these from me.  You are going to be up all night anyway!”  I usually tack on the following: “Please give me the courage to accept whatever you put on my plate first thing in the morning.”  It helps. 

Peace,  John

 

Image result for “You can’t hate yourself happy. You can’t criticize yourself thin. You can’t shame yourself worthy. Real change begins with self-love and self-care.” ~Jessica Ortner

Sounds simple, doesn’t it?  For many of us it feels like reversing the direction of an ocean liner.  If we keep telling ourselves negative messages, we’re going to continue to feel crappy about ourselves.  First thing you “gotta” do is, stop doing what isn’t working!  Stop hating yourself and putting yourself down.  Lose the negative self-criticism.  Also lose the self-blame.  They just keep you lost in that endless cycle of feeling miserable.  Why continue to do to yourself what you detested other people having done to you?

Start building yourself up.  Start saying nice things to yourself about who you are and what you are accomplishing.  If this is a struggle, try figuring out what you wished you could have heard from others and try saying them to yourself.  Then go and find, and hang out with people who send those kind of messages to themselves and are willing to acknowledge your uniqueness.  You are worth it and you can love yourself happy!

Peace, John

 

 

Image result for “When thinking about life remember this: no amount of guilt can solve the past and no amount of anxiety can change the future.”

The past just is.  It doesn’t need to be solved.  It needs to be accepted.  Guilt is usually just a wasted emotion and keeping you stuck in the past, i.e. “I should have….” or “They could have….”

No problem in the past – just challenges in the present…

And as far as anxiety goes – it’s much ado about nothing.  Most of the things we negatively project about never come to pass.  I believe it’s Mark Twain who once said, “A lot of awful things happened to me in my life… a few of which actually occurred!” 🙂  Worrying about the future takes you away from the present.  You can’t do anything about the future, you can only change today.

Instead of thinking about life looking back or looking forward, why not try living in today.  There is no guilt, depression or anxiety in the now.  Keep coming back to the now and enjoy its presence!

Peace,      John

 

 

 

Image result for to raise a child who is comfortable enough to leave you

Some of us are still raising our children, and others have launched them.  Some have yet to begin, and still others may be in the process of re-launching.  A few may even be in the process of sending their child off to college and facing the “empty nest.”

Is leaving ever comfortable?  It’s a transition for sure.  Sometimes it’s a sad occasion; other times it’s joyous.  Many times, it’s a mixture of both.  Were you able to identify and accept the feelings you were/are experiencing as you let them go?

Another idea might be to look at this quote from the perspective of yourself as the child.  Were you comfortable when you left your parents?  Did you think at the time that your parents had done a good job?  Were they good “life-skills” teachers?  How difficult was it for you to fly on your own?

And remember… “they are not ours to keep.”  They were “lent” to us. They belong to the world – may we be blessed by their journeys!

Peace, John

 

Image result for treat me good and i'll treat you better lyrics

Guest blogger J.T. shared this quote and this thought:

This quote struck me. So simple and true. It costs nothing to be kind and the world could use a little more kindness. So if you pay kindness forward, that kindness will come back to you!!  – J.T.

Thank you J.T. & blog friends – Why not send me a quote and your thoughts about  it?  You too can be a guest blogger.  Send it to me at:  jpacheco@personalgrowthconcepts.com  with the phrase “Guest Blogger” in the subject line.   I’ll try to publish it and give our friends a mid-week bonus!   Peace,  John

 

Image result for “I didn’t know I had OCD until I watched my kids hang ornaments on the tree wherever they wanted.” ~@simoncholland

The American Psychiatric Association (APA) defines Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) as an anxiety disorder in which people have recurring, unwanted thoughts, ideas or sensations (obsessions) that make them feel driven to do something repetitively (compulsions).  The repetitive behaviors, such as hand washing, checking on things, counting  or cleaning, can definitely interfere with a person’s daily activities and social interactions.

Some with OCD can also have repetitive thoughts, or repetitive behaviors but not both.  It’s important to remember that it is an anxiety disorder and anything that increases anxiety can exacerbate the symptoms of OCD.

In the United States, the prevalence is about 2% in adults; women are slightly more likely than men to experience it. Children and adolescents can also have OCD.

OCD is treatable with medication and/or psychotherapy/counseling.  As with most disorders, it’s important to remember that there are degrees of intensity for many people who have OCD.  Milder forms have little disruption to a person’s daily activities; more severe forms can literally incapacitate people, making it impossible for them to function in their families and/or their workplaces.  Many with OCD are somewhere in the middle of this continuum.

Someone once told me that a good screening question for OCD would be to ask my client if they tended to count things. Apparently, a high percentage of people with OCD tend to count and repetitively recount things.  Since then, when I have suspected OCD in a client, I have asked them that question and then provided them with a pen & paper OCD screen. Experientially, I find that question highly likely to confirm my suspicions.

Help is available!  Most licensed and trained clinicians can screen for OCD and organizations like NAMI, The National Alliance for the Mentally Ill, and the OCD Foundation, among others, have information available.  Google is a good source as well.  If you suspect yourself, or someone you know may have OCD, reach out and discuss it with them and/or a professional.  You may need to persist if it’s a loved one – don’t antagonize and be careful that you don’t get labeled as OCD in your persistence!

And remember, not everybody can simply enjoy watching their tree be trimmed!

Peace,

John

 

Image result for “Life is like a piano; the white keys represent happiness and the black show sadness. But as you go through life's journey, remember that the black keys also create music.” ~ Ehssan

 

What kind of music do you play?  Unless you are classically trained and know how to play Chopin’s Black Key Étude, then music includes both the black keys and the white keys on the piano.  If you’ve been relentless in your need to get away from negative feelings such as sadness, anger, frustration, hurt, then reflect upon this quote.  If you think about it, you may need to practice more on the white keys, the positives in your life and develop your skill in those areas.  They can, and will, balance out not only the music you are making, but your life as well.  Do you want to keep hearing the old same-o, same-o, or do you want a little lighter more harmonious sound/life?  The choice is yours – which keys are you going to practice on today?  Why not use the whole keyboard?

Peace,

John

Image result for “Let go of the people who dull your shine, poison your spirit, and bring you drama. Cancel your subscription to their issues.” ~ Dr. Steve Maraboli

Strikes me you’ve got to look at the people in your life, realize you have placed them there or allowed them to be there.  Your responsibility!  Evaluate – who is polishing you, making you healthier in body, mind and spirit?  Stick with them!  Who are like weeds in the garden that sap your strength and leave you less than you are capable of being?  Put them in the compost heap!  Who churns you up over issues that aren’t yours and hauls you up onto the chaotic stage they call their life?  Time to leave them in their auditorium.  Look at your material – what you enjoy?  What brings you down?  Keep on keeping on with what you enjoy but, cancel your subscription and part ways with the weeds and those who were just acting and not living the way you choose.  What’s in it for you?  If people aren’t paying for the space and time they occupy in your life, evict them!  You deserve the best!  Peace, John

 

Memes, Life Is Good, and 🤖: Pause and Remember Every situation in life is temporary So, when life is good, make sure you enjoy and receive it fully. And when life is not so good remember that it will not last forever and better days are on the way. Jenni Young-

From another perspective, life is temporary!  Have you come to learn that many things in life cycle?  Ups and downs?  It seems that way, if you can get out of your current reality and try to look at things from a bigger perspective.  Seems like you have a positive mindset if you follow the above advice.  Enjoy life when it is good, be grateful, embrace it.  When it’s not to your liking, accept it and remember, everything cycles.  Expecting it to change for the better, aligning your attitude with this new belief can help prod those better days along.

Peace,        John

Hello bloggers,

Thank you for reading and sharing my weekly blog posts!  We have just hit some major milestones that I would like to share with you.  I have been posting on “Touchpoints,” my blog for 5 years now!  We recently posted our 250th blogpost and we are now being followed by 750 people!  Those people come to us predominantly from subscribing through the blog itself on our MailChimp account (199), and by following me on Facebook (454).  We also have 36 from other WordPress blogs and another 61 following on Twitter.  Thank you once again for reading and sharing!

I am also looking for guest bloggers.  Find a quote that you love, share a few sentences of what that quote means to you and/or might mean to others reading our blog.  Send them both to me via email  (jpacheco@personalgrowthconcepts.com).  I will check them and, when possible, will put them up on our blog.  Credit will be given to you as a guest blogger and only your first name and last initial will be used.  I would like at least one guest blogger per month.  Will you help me with this?

Peace,

John


 

 

Memes, My House, and Police: A police officer came to my house and asked me where I was between 5 and 6 He seemed irritated when I answered 'kindergarten!

It’s good to chuckle, don’t you think?  I hope you enjoyed a good chuckle today.  Remember good mental health includes the ability to laugh, especially at yourself.  No deprecating and put downs, just good honest reactions to life’s idiot-syncrasies!   :)Peace, John

Related image

As some of you may know, I’ve used this quote before.  Kubler-Ross, one of the pioneers in working with grief and the dying, is right on target.  Grieving is a process – you are changed in that process, never to be who you were before.  While it feels like you’ll never be whole again, the whole picture is not in the feeling.  Like last week’s post, you have to feel it to allow it to heal.  For many, the process is lifelong.  The amount of grief one experiences is usually proportionate to how much you loved the person who is gone.  While you may have doubts while in the process, “you know you will be you again, but a different you.  When you embrace that, you will be honoring the memory of your loved one and be in the healing process.  Be gentle [and nurturing] with yourself during this process….”

              Peace,

                                    John

Image result for emotional pain cannot kill you

Back to last week’s post: pain is inevitable but suffering is an option.  In my mind, it’s a poor option.  Emotional pain is a part of life – at times we all feel upset, rejected, disappointed, sad, etc.  What do we do with it?  Do we run from it?  It’s going to keep chasing us, don’t you think?  If that doesn’t work, try the opposite, turn around, face it, name the feelings, allow them to be simply a part of your experience, accept (embrace) them.  It’s the best way to get through it and it’s been said, “you gotta feel it, to heal it.”   If it’s too big for you to feel it, get someone you trust to share it with – that usually helps. 

Happy 4th of July!    

Peace, John

Image result for i have depression. but i prefer

Depression can be a complex bio-psychosocial disorder. It can have biological (including genetic and biochemical), psychological and social roots.  Once you experience it, what do you do with it?  Here we speak of it as an “it,” when, in reality, we experience it primarily as feelings.  While the feelings zap our energy and resilience and try to limit our desire toward resolution, we do need to take up the challenge.

Saying “I suffer” from depression only throws us back to last week’s quote and leaves us being a victim which ensures us believing in our powerlessness over it.

When depression brings us low, we need to “go high!”  We need to use various resources available to us to “hit back.”  These may include physical exams and/or lab testing to rule out physical causes for the depression, antidepressant medications, and therapy to uncover possible situational or psychological causes for the depression.  Part of “hitting back” includes establishing and implementing a treatment plan, sticking with it and adjusting it as one seeks resolution.  Most of depression can be resolved with the right types or combinations of treatments.  Emotional pain and depression are inevitable; suffering is an option!

Which option do you prefer?

             Peace, John

Image result for i am not a product of my circumstances quote

 

Too often we see ourselves as victims of our circumstances.  We focus on the external things that are hemming us in and preventing us from being everything that we are capable of being.  We then tend to react, like victims, impulsively and without the benefit of thinking things through.  Not good!

This quote calls our attention to and helps us reverse that mindset.

The new mindset might be:  “Circumstances are; I am powerless over what was and is.  I am not powerless over my self.  I now choose how I handle my current situation.  What am I feeling?  What are my choices?  How do I choose to respond?”

By choosing to respond and not react, you decide.  You are no longer a victim; you create your self the way you choose to be.  As with all creativity, be sure to have fun.

 Happy Father’s Day!   Peace, John


 

Image result for what screws us up most in life is the picture

By the way, how is it supposed to be?  Are we back to that word , “expectations?”  You do know that the opposite of expectations is that other recent blog post word, “acceptance?”

What destroys those pictures and those expectations is reality.  Do we create the pictures and expectations to avoid the reality? Or is it just our ego thinking that we can control reality, make it bend to how we would like it to be rather than the way it is? Enter that third word, “powerlessness.”

Can we accept our powerlessness over the reality?  Unscrew our unrealistic expectations and just accept what is?  If we do, we should have no problem putting the brush down since there will no longer be a need to create an idealized but unreal picture! Remember, it always is what it is, until it isn’t!

 Peace, John

Image result for gossip is the devils radio don't be his dj

Gossip involves talking to one person about another.  This creates a triangle and these kinds of triangles are always unhealthy. To eliminate gossip only discuss your relationship with the person with whom you are talking – it’s that simple.  Talking about people, especially when they’re not present, doesn’t allow them to speak for themselves.

Try to take yourself out of these triangles.  The easiest way is to use the “I” statements.  Since you’re only talking about yourself, no triangle, no gossip!  The problem with gossip, especially if it’s “juicy,” is that people like to spread it.  Frequently, they add their own spin to it or add information that may or may not be true or leave out parts of the truth.  When you hear gossip, remember, in legal terms it’s called “hearsay.”  Hearsay is not admissible – it’s what one person says that another person said and so, it’s not verifiable.

Perhaps the best advice about gossip was given by Ann Landers some time ago in the following question and answer.  I share it here in the hopes that you resign your DJ position!

Dear Ann Landers:

Some terrible rumors are floating around this office, and innocent people are being hurt. A while back, you printed the enclosed. It would mean a lot to me if you’d run it again. – Sad for the Victim

     Dear Sad: It’s worth a second go-’round. Glad to oblige:

                                    GOSSIP

      It topples governments, wrecks marriages,

     Ruins careers, sullies reputations,

     Causes heartaches, nightmares, indigestion –

     Spawns suspicion, generates grief.

     Makes innocent people cry in their pillows.

     Even its name hisses.

     It’s called gossip.   Office gossip. Shop gossip.

     Party gossip.

     It makes headlines and headaches.

     Before you repeat a story, ask yourself:

       Is it true?

        Is it fair?

        Is it necessary?

     If not – Shut Up.

taken from: New Haven Register, Sunday, June 11, 1995 page D3

 Peace, John


 

 

Image result for love people for who they are and not

“And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today.” (Big Book of AA, p. 417).  It seems like that’s what this quote is about – to be able to love people, you have to accept them just as they are.

When we don’t, when we try to change them, not only are we met with a lot of frustration but we become co-dependent.  We focus more on them and what they are doing or, should be doing according to our plans; when we do this, we lose ourselves.

Too often we think they are here to live up to our expectations – that somehow, they can read our minds and they are responsible for us feeling okay.  If they’re not who we want them to be, then we get irritable, angry and/or controlling… and that’s where the disconnection starts!  Disconnection = loss of focus on ourselves, unhealthy focus on the other and, ultimately loss of a healthy relationship.

Love them for who they are. Acknowledge their similarities to yourself and value the differences. Acceptance…

Peace, John

Image result for memorial day 2017Image result for memorial day  familyImage result for memorial day

 

TouchPoints Blog Signup

Click on Image to Subscribe

TO FOLLOW THIS BLOG ENTER EMAIL ADDRESS!

Join 617 other followers

Hours & Info

1.203.375.5782
M-F 8am - 8pm
Sat:9am - 3pm
Gone Fishing
creating yourself
From me to you
I am loved
Where are you going?
love yourself
Need a hug

bear
me to you
I love support
Be kind to one another
support
get well
From me to you
%d bloggers like this: