“Can’t or Won’t?” ……5/12/24

“Can’t vs. Won’t? When you won’t, don’t!” ~ John Pacheco

This one may take a little thinking.  I recently had a discussion with someone about whether they “could” or “would” do something.  I think the distinction is pretty important.  If you “can,” that means you’ve got the ability. The question for them was, whether they “would” do it – that would take motivation, willingness and action on their part.  Now, flip it over to the negative. I “can’t” do it means you don’t have the ability or are unable to do it. I “won’t” means, even though you may be able to do it, you’ve made a firm decision that you “won’t.”  So again, when you make up your mind and you won’t, don’t!  Peace, John

We haven’t had a guest blogger now in a month or two.  What’s stopping you?  I invite you to become a guest blogger.  It’s easy – find a quote that speaks to you and write a few sentences about it, what it means to you, or what it means in general. Send it all to me in an email with the subject line reading “Guest blogger.”  I will review and publish it, with gratitude, and with the hope that others will benefit from it as well. If you need some help, I can furnish you with a quote or several to pick from – I have hundreds of them. Let me know.   Peace,  John  

Self Care……5/5/24

“Once I realized it was okay for me to think about and identify what I wanted, remarkable things began to take place in my life.” ~Melody Beattie

 Is it hard to focus on what you need and want?  Struggle with it!  You may be good at caring about others but, remember you are a person too! You deserve to have your needs and wants met. Don’t worry, you’re not likely to become egotistical.  In the final analysis, it’s your responsibility to ensure those remarkable things happen to and for you! You deserve!  Peace, John

If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to share it with your friends on social media. Encourage them to sign up.  Thank you! 

Combatting Stress……4/28/24

I believe there are only two things in this world that we have direct control over: what we think and what we do, which includes our behavior as well as what we say and how we say it.  Frequently, stress is caused by too many thoughts going around in our heads and bouncing off a lot of feelings. Are you an overthinker? Stress management, relaxation exercises, yoga and/or meditation can help us slow down our thoughts, making it easier to pick one over the other. But you need to practice them! “I choose…” is the most powerful “I statement” one can make. Choose your thoughts carefully and you won’t need any other weapons! Peace, John 

Please send me some feedback on this blog. What did you like about it? What didn’t you like? What topics would you like to hear my thoughts on?  You may also send me an email and a quote that you might like to see me write about on my blog.  You can email your comments to me at jpacheco@personalgrowthconcepts.com Please put the word “blog” in the subject line.  I thank you in advance and wish you well in who you are and in all that you do. 

Who’s Tying Your Shoes? …..4/14/24

A lot of times people want to be helpful and so they try to tell you what they think you should do. If you follow them, it might work but you haven’t learned how to do it yourself. A pattern like this will frequently leave you dependent on them. If they go away or are not available, what then?  If what they tell you doesn’t work, how many times will you keep going back to them for more suggestions?  Can you remember when you learned to tie your shoes? Mine was a difficult and timely process. I think it went on for several weeks which seemed like an eternity back then to my minimally developed brain. I just realized I tied my sneakers several times today without consciously thinking about it!  Please try to resist the urge to let other people tell you what to do, and how you should tie your shoes. Peace, John 

How to leave a comment on this blog:  First, make sure that you are on our actual blog:  https://personalgrowthconcepts.wordpress.com  (this is important if you are viewing the Touchpoints blogpost on Facebook, LinkedIn, other locations or, if it has been forwarded to you by someone else). Above the picture and/or quote there is a title and a date. Just below that, in small print, are the categories and the tags. These are helpful if you’re using the search feature. At the end of those there are the words, “leave a comment.” Click on that and follow the directions. Once you have typed your comment and click send, I will be notified and approve the comment before it will be visible to all. Please let me know if you have any trouble with this. 

How Much To Tell……4/7/24

“You don’t need to read them chapter and verse when they only want/need the title of the book!“

There is definitely something to be said about (against?) going on and on. If the listener is not interested in what you’re saying, they may be tuning you out within a minute or two. They may try to be polite and not let you know that, and “put up” the appearance of listening. I think it’s usually best to be sensitive to the needs/wants of your listener and, in most instances, to keep your comments brief.  Lately I’ve been suggesting to some of my clients that they use the following pattern when communicating: make a short “I” statement, and then follow it with a short question one yhat ends with a question mark.  Then be silent; listen for the answer.  Rinse and repeat!😊 Remember, you’re the author and you get to title your book. Maybe it should only be a short story! Peace, John  

I invite you to become a guest blogger.  It’s easy: find a quote that speaks to you and write a few sentences about it and what it means to you, or what it means in general. Send it all to me in an email with subject line reading “Guest blogger.”  I will review and publish it, with gratitude, and with the hope that others will benefit from it as well. If you need some help, I can furnish you with a quote or several to pick from – I have hundreds of them. Let me know.   Peace,  John  

Being A Parent……3/24/24

Sometimes when working with parents, I help them understand that they may not like the child’s behavior but that doesn’t have to mean that they don’t love them.  Sometimes it’s hard for many parents to create appropriate consequences for inappropriate behavior; they usually prefer to “punish” them instead.  If there are two parents, it’s also helpful for them to communicate effectively with each other, and to be on the same page. Of course, this isn’t always possible. Strive to be the best parent you can be, caring but firm, understanding and sensitive; remain true to yourself and your values.  Remember, children’s brains aren’t fully developed until they are mid to late 20s. Guide them as they grow as best you can.  Be creative; reach out for help if necessary. Wait for it —-  and let your children help you experience that unconditional love.  Peace, John 

Please send me some feedback on this blog. What did you like about it? What didn’t you like? What topics would you like to hear my thoughts on.  You may also send me an email and a quote that you might like to see me write about on my blog.  You can email your comments to me at jpacheco@personalgrowthconcepts.com Please put the word “blog” in the subject line.  I thank you in advance and wish you well in who you are and in all that you do. 

OCD …… 3/17/24

That bully bosses you around, tells you what to do and is relentless. You continue to do what it tells you hoping that the repetitious behavior will somehow calm down the anxiety and insecurity. It doesn’t, but you don’t know what else to do. Ignoring it doesn’t help either. OCD, obsessive compulsive disorder, can be marked by obsessive or repetitive thoughts OR compulsive, driven behaviors. Oftentimes, both are evident in the way this disorder presents itself. Treatment is available and often includes a combination of education about the disorder as well as medication and therapy. Peace, John   

In addition to following me on Facebook and Twitter, you can also follow Personal Growth Concepts, Inc. on Facebook (@PersonalGrowthConceptsInc) and on Twitter (@PGCCounseling) 

Guest Blogger: Positivity ……3/13/24

I love the quote above. It uplifts my spirit. Have you considered how what enters your mind affects your mood? I would encourage you to consider what occupies your mind. Do you tend to dwell on the positive or negative? Is the glass half-empty or half-full? When something enters your mind, consider if it’s beneficial, kind and true. What you dwell on can stir up positive or negative emotions. Changing your thought patterns can have a significant impact on your mental and physical wellbeing. Opening your mind and shifting to a place of gratitude can change your perspective. Choosing gratitude sets you up for victory over negativity.  You can choose your mindset. You can choose what you allow to invade your spirit. Guard your thoughts. You have power over them.

Today’s guest blog was authored by Kristin Pardue. Kristin works for Personal Growth Concepts, Inc in our business office and recently completed an internship experience with our counselors. She is working on her Marriage and Family Therapy Master’s Degree. Please join me in thanking her for the time she has taken to bless us with these memorable thoughts. Please feel free to leave any comments and I will make sure they are shared with her. Peace, John

Scars……3/10/24

And please remember, until the scabs become scars, don’t pick at them!  Peace, John

How to leave a comment on this blog:  First, make sure that you are on our actual blog:  https://personalgrowthconcepts.wordpress.com  (this is important if you are viewing the Touchpoints blogpost on Facebook, LinkedIn, other locations or, if it has been forwarded to you by someone else). Above the picture and/or quote there is a title and a date. Just below that, in small print, are the categories and the tags. These are helpful if you’re using the search feature. At the end of those there are the words, “leave a comment.” Click on that and follow the directions. Once you have typed your comment and click send, I will be notified and approve the comment before it will be visible to all. Please let me know if you have any trouble with this.  

Life’s Direction……3/3/24

Peace, John

I invite you to become a guest blogger.  It’s easy – find a quote that speaks to you and write a few sentences about it and what it means to you, or what it means in general. Send it all to me in an email with subject line reading “Guest blogger.”  I will review and publish it, with gratitude, and with the hope that others will benefit from it as well. If you need some help, I can furnish you with a quote or several to pick from – I have hundreds of them. Let me know.   Peace,  John  

Drowning? …2/25/24

What’s holding you back, stifling you or sapping energy from your life? What’s pulling you down? Is that the direction you wanna be going? What is it you’re hanging on to? When you’re drowning you don’t have a lot of time! Perhaps what you’re clinging to is what’s drowning you? Why not spit the water out and let go? Remember, you can swim!  Peace, John 

If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to share it with your friends on social media. Encourage them to sign up.  Thank you! 

Chuckle Time……2/18/24

Just a light touch today – chuckle time. Enjoy! Peace, John

Please send me some feedback on this blog. What did you like about it? What didn’t you like? What topics would you like to hear my thoughts on.  You may also send me an email and a quote that you might like to see me write about on my blog.  You can email your comments to me at jpacheco@personalgrowthconcepts.com Please put the word “blog” in the subject line.  I thank you in advance and wish you well in who you are and in all that you do.

Learning Life’s Lessons ……2/11/24

I’ve had this experience. Have you? When life gives me a challenge, I sometimes avoid it, choosing not to deal with it. Sometimes I get away with it; sometimes I don’t make a good choice. I get beyond it somehow, but then again, a short while later, it just pops up in another area of my life. For me it seems to keep popping up until I learn the lesson. Once the lesson is learned, it either doesn’t seem to pop up, or I deal with it more quickly, differently than I would have in the beginning. I believe there are always new lessons to be learned. Do you think so? What’s your experience been with this? Peace, John 

In addition to following me on Facebook and Twitter, you can also follow Personal Growth Concepts, Inc. on Facebook (@PersonalGrowthConceptsInc) and on Twitter (@PGCCounseling) 

Understanding Grief……2/4/24

It’s hard to understand grief if you haven’t suffered a major loss yourself. Some may be better at imagining what that loss would be like. Many who have experienced a loss can relate. As a wise supervisor once told me, “John, sometimes the only thing you can do is be there with them in their grief.”  When I heeded his advice, my client started to get better. To this day, I am grateful for that learning and remind myself that grieving is a normal process and that frequently, I don’t need to do anything to fix it. If you understand, just be there with them-no judging, no fixing, just good old listening and empathy. Peace, John 

How to leave a comment on this blog:  First, make sure that you are on our actual blog:  https://personalgrowthconcepts.wordpress.com  (this is important if you are viewing the Touchpoints blogpost on Facebook, LinkedIn, other locations or, if it has been forwarded to you by someone else). Above the picture and/or quote there is a title and a date. Just below that, in small print, are the categories and the tags. These are helpful if you’re using the search feature. At the end of those there are the words, “leave a comment.” Click on that and follow the directions. Once you have typed your comment and click send, I will be notified and approve the comment before it will be visible to all. Please let me know if you have any trouble with this.  

God’s Timing……1/28/24

Turning it over to God often involves waiting on His timing. We’re not supposed to understand God’s timing and it behooves us not to keep taking it back and trying to do it all ourselves. Try: Pray, Wait, Trust.  God has our back! His timing is not our timing, but it is perfect. Look back on some of the things God has done for you and I doubt, in retrospect, you will question His timing. Perhaps His will for you involves learning patience. While you wait on the Lord, remember His words from John 14:27, “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”  Peace, John

I invite you to become a guest blogger.  It’s easy -> find a quote that speaks to you and write a few sentences about it and what it means to you, or what it means in general. Send it all to me in an email with subject line reading “Guest blogger.”  I will review and publish it, with gratitude, and with the hope that others will benefit from it as well. If you need some help, I can furnish you with a quote or several to pick from – I have hundreds of them. Let me know.   Peace,  John  

Trusting Your Gut……1/21/24

A lot has been said about trusting your feelings and your intuition, your sense about what’s going on. Your heart and your brain need to work together. One without the other doesn’t yield positive results. When talking with clients about relationships I frequently tell them that a healthy relationship has to “think right as well as feel right!” Do you have a tendency to leave one or the other behind? Which one? Peace, John

If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to share it with your friends on social media. Encourage them to sign up.  Thank you!

Not Enough Time?……1/14/24

Funny how it’s a New Year and this quote asks you about your priorities. It’s a good time to review your goals and set some priorities.  24 hours in a day is what you and I both have. How we choose to spend them says a lot about us and what’s important to us. Try asking yourself, “What can I let go of and how much time will I gain from it? What can or will I do with that time?” Be specific. Peace, John

Please send me some feedback on this blog. What did you like about it? What didn’t you like? What topics would you like to hear my thoughts on?  You may also send me an email and a quote that you might like to see me write about on my blog.  You can email your comments to me at jpacheco@personalgrowthconcepts.com Please put the word “blog” in the subject line.  I thank you in advance and wish you well in who you are and in all that you do.

Thinking You’re Worthless?……1/7/24

We are made-up of thoughts, feelings, behaviors, all wrapped up in what I call soul or spirit. Feeling worthless is only part of who a person is. You can’t directly change your feelings but you can influence them by changing your thoughts and/or behaviors. If you think you’re worthless, try changing that thought. If you’re spiritual, remember. “God don’t make no junk!” If not, surround yourself with positive people who understand your value and will share that with you until you “come to believe.” If you blame yourself a lot, STOP IT! Blame is usually about things that are past — you don’t need to harass yourself about things you cannot change. Going forward, you can change yourself by changing your thoughts and your behaviors. If you’re really struggling with feeling worthless, seriously consider some counseling and, if appropriate, don’t be afraid to use the number below. Peace, John

In addition to following me on Facebook and Twitter, you can also follow Personal Growth Concepts, Inc. on Facebook (@PersonalGrowthConceptsInc).

A Wish or A Plan?……12/31/23

It’s that time of year. What are your hopes for 2024? Are they S-M-A-R-T goals?  Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Time-bound? If not, they may be dreams. It’s been said that a goal is a dream with a deadline! So… take your goal and set a deadline. When will you have it accomplished by? Now, Tony Robbins’ secret is to do at least one thing each day toward that goal. If you do this, you might be surprised how quickly you achieve that goal. When you do, remember to set another S-M-A-R-T goal. No more just wishing! Daily effort! Peace, John

How to leave a comment on this blog:  First, make sure that you are on our actual blog:  https://personalgrowthconcepts.wordpress.com  (this is important if you are viewing the Touchpoints blogpost on Facebook, LinkedIn, other locations or, if it has been forwarded to you by someone else). Above the picture and/or quote there is a title and a date. Just below that, in small print, are the categories and the tags. These are helpful if you’re using the search feature. At the end of those there are the words, “leave a comment.” Click on that and follow the directions. Once you have typed your comment and click send, I will be notified and approve the comment before it will be visible to all. Please let me know if you have any trouble with this. 

Rejecting Negativity……12/24/23

Negativity produces drama. Are you paying to be entertained? Negativity can become a downward spiral into hopelessness and depression. Why not leave the auditorium and, thinking positive thoughts, entertain hope, actively pursue worthwhile activities and attract positive people and ideas to yourself? You deserve it and your mental health will appreciate you for it.  Peace, John 

I invite you to become a guest blogger.  It’s easy à find a quote that speaks to you and write a few sentences about it and what it means to you, or what it means in general. Send it all to me in an email with subject line reading “Guest blogger.”  I will review and publish it, with gratitude, and with the hope that others will benefit from it as well. If you need some help, I can furnish you with a quote or several to pick from – I have hundreds of them. Let me know.   Peace,  John  

Gossip……12/17/23

Gossip is talking about somebody behind their back & when they are not present.  It takes someone willing to talk and a listener. Listeners can spread the gossip by sharing it with others. This reminds me of an old Spanish proverb, “whoever gossips to you will gossip about you!” Be warned! Don’t become the DJ! Peace, John

If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to share it with your friends on social media. Encourage them to sign up.  Thank you!

Codependency & Enmeshment ……12/10/23

That’s just another way of describing codependency and enmeshment. Codependency is when you are so focused on someone else that you lose touch with yourself, your feelings, who you are and what you want to accomplish. Enmeshment is when you don’t know where you end and the other person begins. In a healthy relationship there are 3 entities: me, you, and an “us.” Us = the parts of me and you that we share. Note, we don’t share all, just parts. We each maintain our individuality; some parts overlap and become the ”us.” In order to preserve your sanity, stop trying to rescue the other person. Focus on yourself. Learn to love yourself. Peace, John

Please send me some feedback on this blog. What did you like about it? What didn’t you like? What topics would you like to hear my thoughts on.  You may also send me an email and a quote that you might like to see me write about on my blog.  You can email your comments to me at jpacheco@personalgrowthconcepts.com Please put the word “blog” in the subject line.  I thank you in advance and wish you well in who you are and in all that you do.

Guest Blog: Being Hurt & Being Blamed…12/6/23

Today’s quote was provided by a faithful blog reader, Sharon, who told me she was looking forward to my thoughts on the subject matter.  A lot of words came to mind as I thought about this quote; I asked the PGC staff for their input as well.  Some of those thoughts included: the quote can certainly cover a multitude of circumstances, victim shaming, denial, gaslighting, and narcissism. Trying to get a positive spin from it, my thoughts focused on the hurt feelings of the author and the expectations of someone else to change (i.e. apologize) or to be different.  Dolly Parton allegedly said, “When someone shows you their true colors, believe them!”  Expecting an apology will not get you anywhere!  Even receiving an apology doesn’t negate the hurt.  The responsibility to heal the hurt is yours.  You may need to look at protecting yourself better in the future, figuring out what you need to do to heal from the things that were done to you, and forgiving the person/persons so that you can move on with your life. Did you know you can forgive others without them having to know it? Distancing yourself from the perpetrator(s) may also be necessary. Just because the bus rolls up and the destination reads “GUILT,” you don’t have to get on board!  It’s their bus (i.e. not yours!) and their trip, and you’re not going in that direction.  Find a different bus that will take you where you want to go.  Peace, John

Leading a Horse To Water……12/3/23

“You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink. BUT, if the water is around, he might realize how thirsty he is!” ~ John Pacheco 

I learned a long time ago there are only two things I can do to help another. First, I have to care about them. If I can’t care about them, I’m in trouble and need to look at myself. Second, if they claim they “can’t” change (that really means “I want to want to change” but don’t know how), then I need to continue to care about them and provide them options or resources and support.  I’m sure you’ve heard the first part of the above quote. It reminds me that we can’t make anybody do anything (control). The second part of the quote is my add on. It reminds me that I can care and make resources/ideas available that may be helpful but the other person “hasta wanna.” How does this all apply to you?  Peace, John 

In addition to following me on Facebook and Twitter, you can also follow Personal Growth Concepts, Inc. on Facebook (@PersonalGrowthConceptsInc) and on Twitter (@PGCCounseling)

How Not To Assume…..11/26/23

Most of you probably know the old saying: “When you assume, you make an ‘ass’ out of ‘u’ and ‘me!’  The above quote can prevent you from doing that. What do you do when you don’t know something? If you want to know, how are you going to find out? Lately I’ve been encouraging clients who want to improve their communication with others to make a short “I” statement, ask a brief question, and then be silent, and listen. If both partners could do this, there wouldn’t be much assuming going on and the communication would be much improved. You are worth it!  Peace, John

I invite you to become a guest blogger.  It’s easy; find a quote that speaks to you and write a few sentences about it and what it means to you, or what it means in general. Send it all to me in an email with subject line reading “Guest blog.”  I will review and publish it, with gratitude, and with the hope that others will benefit from it as well. If you need some help, I can furnish you with a quote or several to pick from – I have hundreds of them. Let me know.   Peace,  John  

Guest Blogger: Living in Peace……11/22/23

Recently, in a blog post, John made note that “You can’t directly change your feelings, but you can influence them by changing how you think or what you do.” Sometimes the weight of fear, guilt, bitterness, or shame can rob you of peace in your life. Living with these emotions can be like wearing shackles. Are these nagging emotions hindering you from experiencing a real sense of peace in your life? Would you consider what it would be like to live without fear, anxiety, worry, panic, or other emotions that block feelings of peace and joy? Imagine experiencing a life of freedom. Take time to be still. Let go. Be in the present moment. Breathe in peace.

Today’s Guest blogger is Kristin who works in our office and who is currently doing a practicum at Personal Growth Concepts, Inc. under the supervision of Janice Mahieu, LCSW. She is nearing the conclusion of her Master’s Degree in Marriage & Family Counseling. I thank her for sharing her wisdom and spirituality with us. I hope you were able to read this during the hectic Thanksgiving holidays and find peace in its message. Peace, John

TV vs Life……11/19/23

I can remember having to get permission, getting up from my chair and crossing the living room in order to change the channel.  I might also have to adjust the rabbit ears and the other antenna on the top of the black and white TV.  Back then I never dreamed of a remote.  Life, in all its splendor, doesn’t change itself!  It takes some effort on your part to get it going the way you want it.  The two great things about that are: you don’t need anybody’s permission but your own, and, it can be as colorful as you want it to be.  Put forth the effort, set some goals, and change some thoughts and behaviors; get it headed in a better direction. Also, these days, there’s plenty more than three channels to experience!  Peace, John

If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to share it with your friends on social media. Encourage them to sign up.  Thank you!

Fixing Problems……11/12/23

Most of our problems come from faulty thinking and that includes poor decisions about our ”doing.”  Many of us have a lot of “irrational beliefs” or ways of thinking that don’t make much logical sense.  Some of these were learned growing up but some of them came about when we believed them when reality seemed to follow suit. I have a couple of handouts you might be interested in. One of them is entitled “Common Unhealthy Thought Patterns.” The other is named, “Ways to Challenge Your Own Beliefs.” If you’d like a copy of them, please send me an e-mail at jpacheco@personalgrowthconcepts.com and put the words “faulty thinking handouts” in the subject line.  Changing your thinking can help you resolve some of the issues in your life. Change and see! Peace, John

Please send me some feedback on this blog. What did you like about it? What didn’t you like? What topics would you like to hear my thoughts on.  You may also send me an email and a quote that you might like to see me write about on my blog.  You can email your comments to me at jpacheco@personalgrowthconcepts.com Please put the word “blog” in the subject line.  I thank you in advance and wish you well in who you are and in all that you do.

Coming In & Going Out of Your Life……11/5/23

Do you have an “open door” policy for your life? Make sure its fluid and goes both ways.  Sometimes others will come in and leave of their own will.  Sometimes you will need to invite others in and kick some others out.  Don’t be shy. Be sure the door stays open and no one is blocking it!  Peace, John  

In addition to following me on Facebook and Twitter, you can also follow Personal Growth Concepts, Inc. on Facebook (@PersonalGrowthConceptsInc) and on Twitter (@PGCCounseling) 

Just Say No……10/22/23

Keep it simple! It is an art and art takes time and practice. Say “no” when you don’t want to, when what is being asked is inappropriate or too much, or not going to benefit both of you. You don’t have to give reasons. The only valid reason after saying “no” if you are questioned is, “because I choose not.”  Remember, “no” is a complete sentence. If your “no” gets challenged you can simply reiterate it by asking, “What part of “no” don’t you understand?” Peace, John

Please send me some feedback on this blog. What did you like about it? What didn’t you like? What topics would you like to hear my thoughts on?  You may also send me an email and a quote that you might like to see me write about on my blog.  You can email your comments to me at jpacheco@personalgrowthconcepts.com Please put the word “blog” in the subject line.  I thank you in advance and wish you well in who you are and in all that you do.

The Pity Pot……10/15/23

Life can give us some curve balls. Despite what most people believe, it’s OK to be on the pity pot from time to time. Don’t get too comfortable there and don’t make a career of it! And remember…… flush and get off! Peace, John

In addition to following me on Facebook and Twitter, you can also follow Personal Growth Concepts, Inc. on Facebook (@PersonalGrowthConceptsInc) and on Twitter (@PGCCounseling)

When in Troubled Water…10/8/23

Next time things are going on in your life that are troubling, ask yourself if there is anything you can do. If you can’t, let it go. Stop trying to control that which you are powerless over. Once you do, the storm will pass. You may be a little wet but you will have weathered it! When in troubled waters, try to remember that the sun will come out again. Peace, John 

How to leave a comment on this blog:  First, make sure that you are on our actual blog:  https://personalgrowthconcepts.wordpress.com  (this is important if you are viewing the Touchpoints blogpost on Facebook, LinkedIn, other locations or, if it has been forwarded to you by someone else). Above the picture and/or quote there is a title and a date. Just below that, in small print, are the categories and the tags. These are helpful if you’re using the search feature. At the end of those there are the words, “leave a comment.” Click on that and follow the directions. Once you have typed your comment and click send, I will be notified and approve the comment before it will be visible to all. Please let me know if you have any trouble with this.  

The Rule of Fives……10/1/23

This quote is in contrast to last week’s blog that “it takes as long as it takes.” This one, what I affectionately call “the rule of fives,” asks you to keep a perspective on what’s happening. Yes, it speaks about “getting angry” but the quote applies to many other situations; following it can lessen some anxiety. Getting angry is about your unwillingness to accept your powerlessness in a particular situation. If you can’t do anything about it, why not let it go?  Peace, John

I invite you to become a guest blogger.  It’s easy: find a quote that speaks to you and write a few sentences about it and what it means to you. Send it all to me in an email with subject line reading “Guest blogger.”  I will review and publish it, with gratitude, and with the hope that others will benefit from it as well. If you need some help, I can furnish you with a quote or several to pick from – I have hundreds of them. Let me know.   Peace, John  

Taking Your Time……9/24/23

Try to think that most things are a process, a series of points in time that are connected. Making changes not only takes time, but it is a process where one event is followed by another. As much as we want to make radical changes all at once, it doesn’t usually happen that way. Think of an ocean liner in the middle of the sea that wants to turn and go in a different direction. Apply rudder, wait a bit, read the compass (where are you now? Where do you want to go?) Apply more rudder. Be patient, you’ll eventually turn your boat around and get where you want to be. Peace, John

If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to share it with your friends on social media. Encourage them to sign up.  Thank you!

I AM ENOUGH!!!…… 9/17/23

“I am enough. Who I am is enough. And what I have is enough!”

Have you been waiting for someone to tell you that you are enough? Wait no longer! People who have been shamed in their childhood or adult lives frequently believe that they are not good enough, will never amount to anything and spend inordinate amounts of time trying to disprove this. The shame provided them with this lie. This is not true; the above affirmation is intended to be repeated frequently to oneself to counter that irrational belief. Who you are and what you have is the beginning point of your journey. I hope and pray it is a healing one. Peace, John

Please send me some feedback on this blog. What did you like about it? What didn’t you like? What topics would you like to hear my thoughts on.  You may also send me an email and a quote that you might like to see me write about on my blog.  You can email your comments to me at jpacheco@personalgrowthconcepts.com Please put the word “blog” in the subject line.  I thank you in advance and wish you well in who you are and in all that you do.

When I Grow Up I Want To Be……9/10/23

When I grow up I want to be a Fireman

When I grow up I want to be a Nurse

When I grow up I want to be an Addict

Wow stop, I never said that

I never said I wanted to be a Drug Addict

But now I am one

When I get better I want to repair my life

Shit I’m not getting better

It’s got a hold of me

The climb is too high, I can’t reach it

I give up

The doors won’t open

I can’t afford help

This is impossible, why won’t they give me a chance?

Don’t they see I don’t want to live like this?

I have no insurance, I have no money

They don’t want me to get better

Every day I wake up and find it’s easier to find a pill than it is to get help

I did not want this for myself

I have destroyed my life

I have destroyed my family

I have destroyed my friendships

Do you think I wanted this?

Don’t you think I look in the mirror and don’t like what I see?

You sit up on your pedestal

You cast your stones at me

You call me names

You hate me

I understand being angry with the addict

There have been too many lies and deceit

I don’t understand the hate

I am still your son

I am still your daughter

Do you think it is easy being me?

Why don’t you come over and try this?

Look behind you wherever you go

Know that you’re not wanted anywhere

One day at a party turned into way too many years of hell

I fight these demons everyday

This is much too big for me

I can’t do this on my own

While it’s so easy to cast your stones

Stop, think and ask yourself

Do I need help?

Am I yearning for it?

Am I crying for it?

No one will help

No one understands

When I grow up I want to be an Addict

I never said that

Hate the Addict if you wish

Please Love Me

I am your Son or Daughter

Nothing more needs to be said about this except, for those of you for whom this resonated, there is a 7:30pm Monday night Alanon meeting for parents of alcoholics and drug abusers in Milford at United Church of Christ, Plymouth Building, 18 West Main St.  Peace, John

For Help Finding Meetings or Recovery Support for Yourself or a Loved One Please Call 866-641-9190

In addition to following me on Facebook and Twitter, you can also follow Personal Growth Concepts, Inc. on Facebook (@PersonalGrowthConceptsInc) and on Twitter (@PGCCounseling)

What Others Think of You…….. 9/3/23

If you think too much about how others see you, you lose sight of your self!  You’re the only one who can do anything about your self. To clients, I usually put it this way, something I’ve stolen along the way and don’t know who to give credit to: “What I think of you is none of your business; what you think of me is none of my business. What I think of me is my business and what you think of you is your business. Sooo- let’s stick to business, OK?”  Peace, John

How to leave a comment on this blog:  First, make sure that you are on our actual blog:  https://personalgrowthconcepts.wordpress.com  (this is important if you are viewing the Touchpoints blogpost on Facebook, LinkedIn, other locations or, if it has been forwarded to you by someone else). Above the picture and/or quote there is a title and a date. Just below that, in small print, are the categories and the tags. These are helpful if you’re using the search feature. At the end of those there are the words, “leave a comment.” Click on that and follow the directions. Once you have typed your comment and click send, I will be notified and approve the comment before it will be visible to all. Please let me know if you have any trouble with this. 

Mismatch? ……8/27/23

Mismatch?  When’s the last time what you heard didn’t agree with what you saw?  Lots of times we tend to believe what we hear and don’t bother to check it out against any other reality.  Focus on yourself at those times and ask yourself whether what you know to be true, and the behavior you’ve observed, matches? Consistency matters.  In today’s environment, repetition can be used to replace your truth.  One assumes that if you hear something over and over again, that it must be true. Don’t be gullible! Trust your eyes and what they observe in another’s behavior. Stay true to yourself!  Peace, John

I invite you to become a guest blogger.  It’s easy, find a quote that speaks to you and write a few sentences about it and what it means to you, or what it means in general. Send it all to me in an email with subject line reading “Guest blogger.”  I will review and publish it, with gratitude, and with the hope that others will benefit from it as well. If you need some help, I can furnish you with a quote or several to pick from – I have hundreds of them. Let me know.   Peace, John  

Dealing With Disappointments…..8/20/23

I can’t tell you how many times in the last month I’ve had to point this out to clients. The way I usually put it is: “If you don’t like being disappointed, have no expectations.” That sounds pretty radical but the exception is that you can have expectations if they have been verbally shared and it’s a relatively healthy relationship. Don’t make assumptions about how the other person should be. Your job is to accept them as they are, different from you. Their job is to tend to themselves, and your job is to take care of your self. When I begin to get angry or irritated at others it’s usually because what I was expecting was not in line with what happened. When you’re disappointed, ask yourself, “What was I expecting?” Then answer it!   Peace, John

If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to share it with your friends on social media. Encourage them to sign up.  Thank you!

Abuse Survivors…8/13/23

A lot of people, but not all, who have been abused become abusers themselves. Kind of like, “what you live with you learn, what you learn you practice, what you practice you become.” It’s extremely difficult to get beyond the guilt and shame of having been abused. If you have, and you don’t want to become like your perpetrator, then you’ve had to learn to handle your emotions, your thoughts and your behaviors differently. Honor your journey and your gentleness with others. You have broken the cycle and, when you find it, know that you truly deserve “a love deeper than the ocean itself!”  Peace, John

Please send me some feedback on this blog. What did you like about it? What didn’t you like? What topics would you like to hear my thoughts on.  You may also send me an email and a quote that you might like to see me write about on my blog.  You can email your comments to me at jpacheco@personalgrowthconcepts.com Please put the word “blog” in the subject line.  I thank you in advance and wish you well in who you are and in all that you do.

Happy People..….8/6/23

When’s the last time you took inventory of your giving and your getting? Suppose you take a minute now and do it again? How do they stack up?  For me, it’s not always balanced. I frequently catch myself thinking about what others can do for me. Wishful thinking I suppose? I also remind myself that I am a giver, though not always as much as I would like in certain places. I’m relatively happy – just wondering if I would be happier if I gave more in some different places. How about you?   Peace, John

In addition to following me on Facebook and Twitter, you can also follow Personal Growth Concepts, Inc. on Facebook (@PersonalGrowthConceptsInc) and on Twitter (@PGCCounseling)

Second Chances?….7/30/23

Think back — who in your life have you given a second chances to? Was it worth it? Were they worth it? Were you worth it? Did the second chance work? I think it was Dolly Parton who once said, “When someone shows you their true colors, believe them!” Make sure and have a good reason to give a second chance. Consider keeping the extra bullet. Peace, John

How to leave a comment on this blog:  First, make sure that you are on our actual blog:  https://personalgrowthconcepts.wordpress.com  (this is important if you are viewing the Touchpoints blogpost on Facebook, LinkedIn, other locations or, if it has been forwarded to you by someone else). Above the picture and/or quote there is a title and a date. Just below that, in small print, are the categories and the tags. These are helpful if you’re using the search feature. At the end of those there are the words, “leave a comment.” Click on that and follow the directions. Once you have typed your comment and click send, I will be notified and approve the comment before it will be visible to all. Please let me know if you have any trouble with this. 

Overthinking?…..7/23/23

This blog is a good sequel to last week’s which stressed the ability to choose a thought from the many that are bouncing around inside our heads. This quote cautions us about having too many.  Too many can leave us feeling overwhelmed and anxious. The worry can lead us to entertain issues that weren’t there in the first place. Why not limit how much thinking you do and avoid creating problems for yourself that didn’t exist?  Peace, John 

I invite you to become a guest blogger.  It’s easy. Find a quote that speaks to you and write a few sentences about it and what it means to you, or what it means in general. Send it all to me in an email with subject line reading “Guest blogger.”  I will review and publish it, with gratitude, and with the hope that others will benefit from it as well.  If you need some help, I can furnish you with a quote or several to pick from – I have hundreds of them. Let me know.   Peace,  John

Choosing Your Thoughts…..7/16/23

I frequently have clients tell me that they are overwhelmed. Feeling overwhelmed can be stressful. Usually, they are experiencing too many thoughts and feelings at the same time. I equate that experience to me looking at a menu in a diner. Too much information and no clear idea of what I would like to eat. The stress dissipates once I’ve decided, but, in the meantime…. Once I’ve decided, I’m freed up and can have good conversation with whoever I’m going to be eating. I think it’s pretty much the same with your thoughts.  Once you decide which thought you’re going to go with for the time being, your stress reduces. Pick one. See what happens. Learn from your choice and then, carry on. Peace, John

If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to share it with your friends on social media. Encourage them to sign up.  Thank you!

Figuring It All Out? …7/9/23

Have you been trying to figure it all out?  What would happen if you stopped trying?  Can you take life on life’s terms? If and when you are meant to know something, it will be made known to you. Figuring it out as you go is part of the process of being alive. Leave something for you to learn tomorrow. Be satisfied with today.  Peace, John

Please send me some feedback on this blog. What did you like about it? What didn’t you like? What topics would you like to hear my thoughts on.  You may also send me an email and a quote that you might like to see me write about on my blog.  You can email your comments to me at jpacheco@personalgrowthconcepts.com Please put the word “blog” in the subject line.  I thank you in advance and wish you well in who you are and in all that you do.

Are You Being Judged? ….. 7/2/23

Be cautious if someone is judging you. They may be trying to manipulate you. Do not fall for their unhealthy guilt trip. Especially be aware of the word “should” which indicates the guilt trip. If you’re being judged, listen to their concern, try to separate it from their attempt to manipulate you, use what you can and let go of the rest. In short, reclaim your power and your sense of self. Peace, John

In addition to following me on Facebook and Twitter, you can also follow Personal Growth Concepts, Inc. on Facebook (@PersonalGrowthConceptsInc) and on Twitter (@PGCCounseling)

Helping Another…6/25/23

Instead of writing my usual few lines, I am going to share one of my favorite handouts from Jack Canfield and Mark V Hansen. I hope you enjoy it and get it’s message as I have. Who have you helped this month? On behalf of each of them, I say, “Thank You!” Peace, John

One At A Time

     A friend of ours was walking down a deserted Mexican beach at sunset.  As he walked along, he began to see another man in the distance.  As he grew nearer, he noticed that the local native kept leaning down, picking something up and throwing it out into the water.  Time and again he kept hurling things out into the ocean.

     As our friend approached even closer, he noticed that the man was picking up starfish that had been washed upon the beach and, one at a time, he was throwing them back into the water.

     Our friend was puzzled.  He approached the man and said, “Good evening, friend.  I was wondering what you are doing.”

     “I’m throwing these starfish back into the ocean.  You see, it’s low tide right now and all of these starfish have been washed up onto the shore.  If I don’t throw them back into the sea, they’ll die up here from lack of oxygen.”

     “I understand,” my friend replied, “but there must be thousands of starfish on this beach.  You can’t possibly get to all of them.  There are simply too many.  And don’t you realize this is probably happening on hundreds of beaches all up and down this coast.  Can’t you see that you can’t possibly make a difference?”

     The local native smiled, bent down and picked up yet another starfish, and as he threw it back into the sea, he replied, “Made a difference to that one!”

How to leave a comment on this blog:  First, make sure that you are on our actual blog:  https://personalgrowthconcepts.wordpress.com  (this is important if you are viewing the Touchpoints blogpost on Facebook, LinkedIn, other locations or, if it has been forwarded to you by someone else). Above the picture and/or quote there is a title and a date. Just below that, in small print, are the categories and the tags. These are helpful if you’re using the search feature. At the end of those there are the words, “leave a comment.” Click on that and follow the directions. Once you have typed your comment and click send, I will be notified and approve the comment before it will be visible to all. Please let me know if you have any trouble with this. 

Not Going On Stage? ……6/18/23

You’re not practicing your lines! You’re not getting your costume ready. You’re not becoming someone else for the audience’s sake. This is the real thing. You are you. Accept your self and your journey. You are you and you are OK! Again, be here now!  Peace, John

I invite you to become a guest blogger.  It’s easy. Find a quote that speaks to you and write a few sentences about it and what it means to you, or what it means in general. Send it all to me in an email with subject line reading “Guest blogger.”  I will review and publish it, with gratitude, and with the hope that others will benefit from it as well. If you need some help, I can furnish you with a quote or several to pick from – I have hundreds of them. Let me know.   Peace,  John  

Honoring the Space Between……6/11/23

Or, as I prefer to say, “Be here now!”  The past is a canceled check, it’s worth nothing. Tomorrow is a promissory note, you don’t know whether it’ll be paid or not. Today is cash, spend it well!  Peace, John

If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to share it with your friends on social media. Encourage them to sign up.  Thank you!

Changing Your Inner Voice…… 6/4/23

John Bradshaw says, “What you live with you learn; what you learn you practice; and, what you practice you become.” If you were constantly criticized and put down as a child, it’s no wonder that you have developed the habit of doing it to your self. If you’re doing it to your self, you’re likely to be doing it to your kids as well. You can break this multigenerational series of negativity and heal yourself at the same time. All you have to do is change to positive the way you talk to your self about your self and then practice the same with your children. Example: “Even though as a child I was told I would never amount to anything, I am now an adult and am responsible for changing my thoughts and my behaviors to become more successful.”  Use your own words as you transform your life, and those of your kids. Remember: practice makes better.  Peace, John

Please send me some feedback on this blog. What did you like about it? What didn’t you like? What topics would you like to hear my thoughts on.  You may also send me an email and a quote that you might like to see me write about on my blog.  You can email your comments to me at jpacheco@personalgrowthconcepts.com Please put the word “blog” in the subject line.  I thank you in advance and wish you well in who you are and in all that you do.

Add A Little Extra……4/21/24

“Knowing who you are and what you’re capable of in your own skin is more powerful than any suit of armor— it’s what makes the ordinary extraordinary.  A humble person is comfortable in their own skin.” 

Is it difficult to know who you are?  You have to turn your focus from all the external people, places and things and do what I call “eyeballs inward.”  What you are capable of is another matter.  Are you ordinary? If so, add a little extra and become “extraordinary!”  I believe humility and pride are on a continuum. When you place yourself somewhere on that continuum, suit up!  Peace, John 

In addition to following me on Facebook and Twitter, you can also follow Personal Growth Concepts, Inc. on Facebook (@PersonalGrowthConceptsInc) and on Twitter (@PGCCounseling) 

Being Perfect……3/31/24

Saying or doing the right or wrong thing – like there’s only two choices! Can you be thankful that both God and others can be understanding and, at times, forgiving?  Most others know they are not perfect; they may be less apt to be judgmental of your shortcomings. Can you also be self-forgiving?  I think it’s easier if you just work on being real. I have a handout from The Velveteen Rabbit, a children’s book, “On Being Real.”  If you would like a copy, send an e-mail to me at jpacheco@personalgrowthconcepts.com.  In the subject line put the words: “being real handout.” Happy Easter! Peace John

If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to share it with your friends on social media. Encourage them to sign up.  Thank you!