When troubled……5/28/23

When troubled, ask yourself, “How important is this going to be in 5 minutes, 5 days, 5 weeks, 5 months, or 5 years?” This might give you a different perspective on the matter and a hint on how to deal with it, differently than before. Remember, you can, and will, get through this.  Peace, John

The below You Tube link is worth the 4 min to watch. Blessings to those who gave their all, their families, you, your families and the United States of America. I wish you all peace on this Memorial Day. ~ John

In addition to following me on Facebook and Twitter, you can also follow Personal Growth Concepts, Inc. on Facebook (@PersonalGrowthConceptsInc) and on Twitter (@PGCCounseling)

Happiness……5/21/23

Inside/Outside — now there’s a boundary for you! Inside means it’s about you. Outside means it’s about everything and everybody else. Does your happiness depend entirely upon someone else?  If so, you may be codependent. That means you irrationally believe your happiness depends on your ability to keep that other person happy. This leads you into focusing on them and changing your behavior in the futile attempt to make them happy. Reclaim your power and own the responsibility for your own happiness. Be happy and allow others to be responsible for themselves!

How to leave a comment on this blog:  First, make sure that you are on our actual blog:  https://personalgrowthconcepts.wordpress.com  (this is important if you are viewing the Touchpoints blogpost on Facebook, LinkedIn, other locations or, if it has been forwarded to you by someone else). Above the picture and/or quote there is a title and a date. Just below that, in small print, are the categories and the tags. These are helpful if you’re using the search feature. At the end of those there are the words, “leave a comment.” Click on that and follow the directions. Once you have typed your comment and click send, I will be notified and approve the comment before it will be visible to all. Please let me know if you have any trouble with this. 

Learning to Leave….5/14/23

You don’t even have to ask to be excused! You deserve! You don’t have to partake just because someone else is serving you. No apologies necessary. You not only have to get up from that table but you have to leave to find the menu which has what you truly want and deserve. Peace, John 

I invite you to become a guest blogger.  It’s easy -> find a quote that speaks to you and write a few sentences about it and what it means to you, or what it means in general. Send it all to me in an email with subject line reading “Guest blogger.”  I will review and publish it, with gratitude, and with the hope that others will benefit from it as well. If you need some help, I can furnish you with a quote or several to pick from – I have hundreds of them. Let me know.   Peace,  John

Dealing With Failure…..5/7/23

How do you deal with failure? Do you feel lousy and then just quit? If you do, you’ll never succeed! I’ve learned that most bruises heal. You need to be careful around them and not get yourself bruised again. It helps if you revisit your goal. Look at why you didn’t succeed, i.e. what caused the bruise and, modify your next try. Tattoos are more permanent; You can learn from failures. Your bruises will heal. Remember, if at first you don’t succeed, learn from your failure, and try, try again. Persistence.  Peace, John 

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Humor……4/30/23

“I wonder if jellyfish are sad because there are no peanut butter fish!”

~contributed by Becky

Thought we’d go light today with a bit of a chuckle. Thank you to Becky for sharing this with me😊  Peace, John

Grief……4/23/23

Grief means something has changed, usually the loss of something of value like a relationship, a job, health, etc. What was before, no longer is. That’s a change. Outsiders don’t usually know what’s missing, but you do. You know what’s different and, as your life goes on, it hurts. It’s supposed to hurt. Let it hurt. Let yourself feel whatever you are feeling. Like broken ribs, it will hurt for a while, what seems like a long while, and they will be sensitive forever. The pain may diminish overtime. Try not to aggravate the pain by “making believe.” Remembering our previous blog, begin the healing by ensuring that you are safe, acknowledge your feelings and your memories. Share them with people who will acknowledge and validate them. Be wary of those who can’t, don’t or won’t.  Healing can be arduous so, take good care of yourself!  Peace, John  

You and God….4/16/23

This is included in another one of my favorite sayings: “You and God are a pair that will beat three of a kind any day!” Know your right from your left and be sure to do your part!  Peace, John

Attitude is Everything……4/2/23

Today’s blog is a little long, but the story is definitely worth taking the time to read. I’m grateful to Francie for having written it. It’s a handout I’ve used frequently in my practice to make a point.  After you read it, can you tell me what the point is? Peace, John

ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING.

……..by Francie Baltazar-Schwartz

Jerry was the kind of guy you love to hate. He was always in a good mood and always had something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, “If I were any better, I would be twins!”  He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who had followed him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation. Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him, “I don’t get it! You can’t be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?”

Jerry replied, “Each morning I wake up and say to myself, Jerry, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood.’ I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.”

“Yeah, right, it’s not that easy,” I protested. “Yes it is,” Jerry said. “Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It’s your choice how you live life.”

          I reflected on what Jerry said. Soon thereafter, I left the restaurant industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

           Several years later, I heard that Jerry did something you are never supposed to do in a restaurant business: he left the back door open one morning and was held up at gunpoint by three armed robbers. While trying to open the safe, his hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination. The robbers panicked and shot him.

Luckily, Jerry was found relatively quickly and rushed to the local trauma center. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body. I saw Jerry about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, “If I were any better, I’d be twins. Wanna see my scars?”

I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place.

 “The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door,” Jerry replied. “Then, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live, or I could choose to die. I chose to live.

“Weren’t you scared? Did you lose consciousness?” I asked.

Jerry continued, “The paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the emergency room and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read, ‘He’s a dead man. ” I knew I needed to take action.”

“What did you do?” I asked.

“Well, there was a big, burly nurse shouting questions at me,” said Jerry. “She asked if I was allergic to anything. ‘Yes,’ I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, ‘Bullets!’ Over their laughter, I told them, ‘I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead.”

Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything.

In addition to following me on Facebook and Twitter, you can also follow Personal Growth Concepts, Inc. on Facebook (@PersonalGrowthConceptsInc) and on Twitter (@PGCCounseling)

Getting a Move On……3/26/23

The key question here is, “What direction do you choose?” It’s been said, “If you don’t choose a different direction, you will probably end up where you are headed!” Where are you headed? Is this where you wanna go? It’s also been said, “if you don’t pick a direction, you will probably end up somewhere else!” Spend the time figuring out where you wanna go. Use the brains in your head for this step. Next, load up your compass and get moving (feet and steering.) Check regularly to make sure you are on track – readjust accordingly. Enjoy the journey!  Peace, John

How to leave a comment on this blog:  First, make sure that you are on our actual blog:  https://personalgrowthconcepts.wordpress.com  (this is important if you are viewing the Touchpoints blogpost on Facebook, LinkedIn, other locations or, if it has been forwarded to you by someone else). Above the picture and/or quote there is a title and a date. Just below that, in small print, are the categories and the tags. These are helpful if you’re using the search feature. At the end of those there are the words, “leave a comment.” Click on that and follow the directions. Once you have typed your comment and click send, I will be notified and approve the comment before it will be visible to all. Please let me know if you have any trouble with this. 

Getting Your Message Across……3/19/23

Isn’t this a major issue for most of us? When people don’t understand what we’re trying to tell them, we need to look a little more deeply into the issue. Try asking yourself some of these questions: Did I explain it as clearly and concisely as I could? Is the other person vested in understanding this as much as I am? Can I break it down into smaller parts so they can understand it piecemeal? Why is my desire to have them understand it this strong? Is it true that they don’t understand it or do they just not agree with it?  One other thing I like to do is to try one more time to explain it to them differently, using different words, perhaps an example they might be able to relate to, and then ask a question that would help me know whether they got it or not. Then I’d have to give myself credit for doing my best and let go. Continuing to explain it the same old way doesn’t usually help. Some people need time to arrive at the same understanding; and others may never get it. Can you understand that? Peace, John

I invite you to become a guest blogger.  It’s easy, find a quote that speaks to you and write a few sentences about it and what it means to you, or what it means in general. Send it all to me in an email with subject line reading “Guest blogger.”  I will review and publish it, with gratitude, and with the hope that others will benefit from it as well.  If you need some help, I can furnish you with a quote or several to pick from – I have hundreds of them. Let me know.   Peace, John  

Managing Unhealthy Relationships……3/12/23

Or, as I prefer to say, “If a person isn’t paying rent for the space they occupy in your head, evict them!” A healthy relationship needs to be reciprocal. By that I mean there has to be a give and take, usually in somewhat equal measure. If you find yourself being put out unduly by another’s neediness, then know it’s not your responsibility to meet all of their needs. Ask yourself, “Are some of my needs being met?”  If not, the relationship is lopsided and needs to be adjusted. Try adjusting it, first, by setting boundaries. If that doesn’t work, you may need to discuss your needs and/or set firmer boundaries. Remember to ask for what you want and that your wishes be respected. If this doesn’t work, you may need to start eviction proceedings! If you don’t have experience doing any of these things, or want to improve your abilities in these areas, please reach out and ask for help from a counselor (see last week’s blog post). Peace, John

If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to share it with your friends on social media. Encourage them to sign up.  Thank you!

Guest Blogger: Handling Storms In Your Life……3/8/23

therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. (Matthew 7:24-26)

To me this verse means a lot. I believe it could be one of the most important if not most necessary lessons from God since it encompasses so much.

At the very root of it, a foundation in God is like a foundation on rock. God wants to be our rock but we are the builders and we must ultimately choose where we build our house. To build a home in God allows us to remain unshaken in any storm. To have a loving relationship with God does not mean we will not encounter storms, but it means that we will find strength through him to endure the storm.

I see foundational pieces in life as the values you choose to live by, the steps you take in building your life and the relationships you have. Love, honesty, integrity, courage are amongst the many values I see as important in any solid foundation. Like a tree, all life stems from the roots, a tree cannot become beautiful or withstand wind without a solid foundation of roots. If in life we build a solid foundation in God, in ourselves, and with others we can weather any storm.

Léa

Our guest blogger today is Lea M, someone who has been following our blog for several years and whom I do not know personally. At the end of January she sent me an e-mail wondering if I might ever share her favorite Bible verse in a blog post. I invited her to share her thoughts on the verse and why it was her favorite as I said, “I’m sure your love of that quote will generate a much richer interpretation than I could humbly offer.”  …. and she did! I am pleased to share it here with you and hope you build and strengthen your foundation to weather any and all storms. Thank you, Lea for sharing this verse and your thoughts about it with us. Blessings and Peace, John

Change……3/5/23

“Two basic rules of life: 1) change is inevitable and 2) everybody resists change. The only person who likes change is a wet baby!” ~ Roy Blitzer

Considering how powerless you are over things in this life it certainly seems that change going on around you is definitely inevitable. Remember, the only thing you can directly control in this life is the way you think about things and what you do, and that includes what you say and how you say it. I would agree that most people resist change. It seems like we are always adjusting or accepting things over which we have no control. Most also struggle with changing themselves. There’s a certain comfort in maintaining the status quo and the structure it provides. My suggestion: until you’re potty trained, embrace that new diaper! Peace, John

Please send me some feedback on this blog. What did you like about it? What didn’t you like? What topics would you like to hear my thoughts on.  You may also send me an email and a quote that you might like to see me write about on my blog.  You can email your comments to me at jpacheco@personalgrowthconcepts.com Please put the word “blog” in the subject line.  I thank you in advance and wish you well in who you are and in all that you do.

Asking for Help……2/26/23

You might say I’m biased, and you’d probably be right! A lot of people think that if you have to ask for help then, you’re weak. They believe you should be able to figure it out or do it yourself. I humbly disagree. If you could have figured it all out, you would have done so already! You’re not Superman or Superwoman, are you? Asking for help increases the chances that you are going to succeed. There’s that word again from last week’s blog, “you.”  Yes, you have to ask for the help and you need to be wise in whom you are asking, particularly if you’ve had a bad track record. Don’t ask somebody who doesn’t know. I’ve been known to ask a client if they have $1000 in their wallet or pocketbook. When they tell me “No,” I ask them for $1000 in a demanding voice, justifying it by telling them “I need it.”  It becomes obvious they can’t help me with something they don’t have. You have to make smart choices about what you ask for, who you ask and how you ask… but you have to ask. Try to be specific and remember, potential helpers can’t read your mind.  Eat that spinach, pump that iron and don’t be afraid to ask for the help. Peace, John 

In addition to following me on Facebook and Twitter, you can also follow Personal Growth Concepts, Inc. on Facebook (@PersonalGrowthConceptsInc) and on Twitter (@PGCCounseling) 

Success……2/19/23

As much as I don’t like the “you” word, this quote says it all! Much has been written about the value of persistence in achieving your goals. “If at first you don’t succeed….” – there’s that “u” word again! Just can’t seem to get away from it! It’s all about what “u” do. So, get doing, so U can SUCCEED!  Peace, John 

How to leave a comment on this blog:  First, make sure that you are on our actual blog:  https://personalgrowthconcepts.wordpress.com  (this is important if you are viewing the Touchpoints blogpost on Facebook, LinkedIn, other locations or, if it has been forwarded to you by someone else). Above the picture and/or quote there is a title and a date. Just below that, in small print, are the categories and the tags. These are helpful if you’re using the search feature. At the end of those there are the words, “leave a comment.” Click on that and follow the directions. Once you have typed your comment and click send, I will be notified and approve the comment before it will be visible to all. Please let me know if you have any trouble with this. 

Getting To Acceptance……2/12/23

“When you know that you can only change your behavior and your thoughts, and that you can do nothing else…. then you are at Acceptance’s front gate” ~ John Pacheco

I tell people there are only two things in this world you can directly control – the way you think about things and what you do (this includes what you say and how you say it). When people finally get this, and start practicing it, they discover they can not change people, places, things or events other than themselves. Life gets a lot simpler as they own more responsibility for themselves. It separates out what you’re powerless over and what you can realistically change, your self. When you do, you don’t even need to knock at the front gate of acceptance. You’re automatically there! Peace, John

I invite you to become a guest blogger.  It’s easy – find a quote that speaks to you and write a few sentences about it and what it means to you, or how it helps you. Send it all to me in an email with the subject line reading “Guest blogger.”  I will review and publish it, with gratitude, and with the hope that others will benefit from it as well.  If you need some help, I can furnish you with a quote or several to pick from – I have hundreds of them. Let me know.   Peace, John  

Rethinking Boundaries……2/5/23

Robert Frost in his poem, “Mending Wall,” says: 

“Before I built a wall I’d ask to know 

What I was walling in or walling out.” 

It’s a good question to ask. Most people put up walls to protect themselves from others. They often fail to realize that, while protecting themselves, they are also isolating. There may be other ways to protect oneself. There may be times when protection is needed and other times when it’s not. Walls are not particularly discriminatory – they frequently keep everybody out – even those who might be genuinely concerned or helpful. I frequently tell clients to think of walls as semi permeable; they can be seen through and are movable. As Mark above reminds us, they can also have doors. And as Robert Frost reminds us, “Good fences make good neighbors.” 

If you would like a copy of Robert Frost’s poem, “Mending Wall” please send me an e-mail with the words “Mending Wall” in the title, jpacheco@personalgrowthconcepts.com   Peace, John

If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to share it with your friends on social media. Encourage them to sign up.  Thank you. 

Fear or Anxiety?…..1/29/22

I disagree. I would change it to read “Please do not feed the anxieties.”  What’s the difference between anxiety and fear?  If I tell you there’s a 300 pound lion walking around your car right now in your driveway, what are you going to feel? Many will say “fear.” I believe what you’re really feeling is “anxious.”  However, if your door opened right now and that 300 pound lion walked in you would feel “fear”. With fear, the threat is imminent. When feeling “anxious,” you imagine a situation that might happen, like that lion attacking you when you next get in your car. It isn’t happening to you right now, and usually, not likely to happen either! I think it might have been Mark Twain who allegedly said, “A lot of terrible things happened in my life……, a couple of which actually occurred!” So, please don’t feed the anxieties, or that lion either!  Peace, John

Please send me some feedback on this blog. What did you like about it? What didn’t you like? What topics would you like to hear my thoughts on.  You may also send me an email and a quote that you might like to see me write about on my blog.  You can email your comments to me at jpacheco@personalgrowthconcepts.com Please put the word “blog” in the subject line.  I thank you in advance and wish you well in who you are and in all that you do.

Who’s Responsible For Your Anger?…..1/22/23

Most people say, “I’m angry” and their next word is “at.” They focus outside themselves. Anger is a way to escape looking at yourself and what’s going on with you. You focus on situations or people outside of your self which you have no control over. No one makes you angry. Anger may have become the way you deal with your disappointments, powerlessness or other feelings.  Next time, try saying, “I feel angry.”  Feelings are only one part of who you are; they don’t have to be the part that’s in control. Two other parts are your thoughts and your behaviors. Managing them leaves you in charge of your response.  As you think about the situation you become more apt to create a better response to the situation. Feel the feeling; the feeling never gets you in any trouble! Think healthier thoughts and choose better behaviors so you can develop better responses to those situations.  Here’s a mantra for you: Ask yourself [and answer] in this order – What am I feeling? What am I thinking? What are my choices? What’s the best choice for me? Peace, John 

In addition to following me on Facebook and Twitter, you can also follow Personal Growth Concepts, Inc. on Facebook (@PersonalGrowthConceptsInc) and on Twitter (@PGCCounseling)

Affirmation for Letting Go….. 1/15/23

I’ll break it down for you: “Today” (Now), “I embrace” (I hug and accept) “the memory of my past” (my recollections, good and bad), “and feel grateful” (and appreciate), “for all that life has given me” (myself, for who I am, everything that has happened to me and for all that I possess). “I acknowledge” (I know and accept), “that I did the best I could at the time” (that I have used all my skills and abilities), “and now I am ready to let it go” (and now I have become willing to let the past recede into the memories of my yesterdays). “I clear my future road ahead” (I ready and focus my life) “for miracles and happy surprises” (and anticipate unimaginable possibilities and the unexpected!)  Peace, John 

Now read just the parts in parentheses. Two affirmations for the price of one! Peace, John

How to leave a comment on this blog: 

First, make sure that you are on the actual blog: 

https://personalgrowthconcepts.wordpress.com  (this is important if you are viewing the Touchpoints blog post on Facebook, LinkedIn, other locations or, if it has been forwarded to you by someone else). Above the picture and/or quote there is a title and a date. Just below that, in small print, are the categories and the tags. These are helpful if you’re using the search feature. At the end of those there are the words, “leave a comment.” Click on that and follow the directions. Once you have typed your comment and click send, I will be notified and approve the comment before it will be visible to all. Please let me know if you have any trouble with this. 

ADHD …… 1/8/23

ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) has 3 types: inattentive, hyperactive or combined. People who have this “disorder” tend to have difficulty concentrating or staying focused for an extended period of time. As the quote indicates, their brain moves along quickly from one subject to another. They often get frustrated when society expects them to be able to focus enough to learn things (like reading), remember things and solve problems. They often are attracted to video games and are challenged by the rapid changes.  Certain occupations are not good for them and other occupations, ones that allow for frequent changes of focus and are more creative are better suited. I tend to think of people with ADHD not as “disordered” but as different. They have a lot to offer if we can accept their differences, respect their skills and abilities and not expect them to conform. The magic of acceptance and working with…..  Abracadabra!   Peace, John

I invite you to become a guest blogger.  It’s easy: find a quote that speaks to you and write a few sentences about it and what it means to you, or what it means in general. Send it all to me in an email with subject line reading “Guest blogger.”  I will review and publish it, with gratitude, and with the hope that others will benefit from it as well. If you need some help, I can furnish you with a quote or several to pick from – I have hundreds of them. Let me know.   Peace,  John  

The Future…1/1/23

When’s the last time someone gave you permission to get excited? About the future? The future has possibilities if you view it that way.  Viewing it the “other way” can leave you worried and anxious. NG. Go ahead, think of the possibilities and get excited.  It’s all in the viewing!  Thank you, Hillary.    Peace, John

If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to share it with your friends on social media. Encourage them to sign up.  Thank you!

What is Christmas? …12/25/22

‘Tis the reason for the season!

Wishing you peace and a Merry Christmas from John, Janice, Charley, Arden, Charles, Maryann, Kristin and Barbara at Personal Growth Concepts, Inc.

Please send me some feedback on this blog. What did you like about it? What didn’t you like? What topics would you like to hear my thoughts on.  You may also send me an email and a quote that you might like to see me write about on my blog.  You can email your comments to me at jpacheco@personalgrowthconcepts.com Please put the word “blog” in the subject line.  I thank you in advance and wish you well in who you are and in all that you do.

To-day……12/18/22

“One Day at a Time” keeps you from worrying about the future or obsessing about the past. You can get through anything if you can stay in today.”

Worrying about the future = anxiety.

Obsessing about the past = depression.

Today = now. It’s best to “Be Here Now, don’t you think?” 

Peace, John

In addition to following me on Facebook and Twitter, you can also follow Personal Growth Concepts, Inc. on Facebook (@PersonalGrowthConceptsInc) and on Twitter (@PGCCounseling)

What Is, Is – and How to Deal With It……12/11/22

“Accept the person and situation for exactly what it is, instead of trying to manipulate it into what you think it needs to be.” ~ Mandy Hale

Are you as guilty of non-acceptance as frequently as I? [quite often]. I fight it and have to constantly remind myself that I’m not in control here, or “God ain’t finished with me yet!” I want it to be the way I want it to be (read: think it should be).  When I finally get a grip on the situation, I frequently remind myself, “This isn’t Burger King, I can’t have it my way!”  – And you can’t either. Change what you can and let go (accept) the rest.  Peace, John

How to leave a comment on this blog: First, make sure that you are on the actual blog: https://personalgrowthconcepts.wordpress.com  (this is important if you are viewing the Touchpoints blog post on Facebook, LinkedIn, other locations or, if it has been forwarded to you by someone else). Above the picture and/or quote there is a title and a date. Just below that, in small print, are the categories and the tags. These are helpful if you’re using the search feature. At the end of those there are the words, “leave a comment.” Click on that and follow the directions. Once you have typed your comment and click send, I will be notified and approve the comment before it will be visible to all. Please let me know if you have any trouble with this.

Who’s Judging You?……12/4/22

Or, I might add, by what others told you about yourself and who you are. If that is negative, it is shame. Also, if you come to believe that you’re the one at fault, that you caused these difficulties (when you know you didn’t), that’s guilt. These things frequently happen and are caused by abusers. Abuse is about control. Not all abuse is physical. Here are some additional forms of abuse: physical violence; sexual violence; emotional violence; psychological violence; spiritual violence; cultural violence; verbal abuse; emotional abuse; and financial abuse.  If you are in an abusive situation, get to a safe place and you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 or in Connecticut you can call 211, Infoline.  JUDGE YOUR SELF gently and find support from people who truly care about your well-being.  Peace, John 

I invite you to become a guest blogger.  It’s easy: find a quote that speaks to you and write a few sentences about it and what it means to you, or what it means in general. Send it all to me in an email with subject line reading “Guest blogger.”  I will review and publish it, with gratitude, and with the hope that others will benefit from it as well. If you need some help, I can furnish you with a quote or several to pick from – I have hundreds of them. Let me know.   Peace,  John   

Guest Blogger – Renewing our Minds…..11/30/22

Renewing our minds is critical for living a life of victory over negative thoughts. Oftentimes we need to stop and pause in order to halt a downward spiral of emotions. Our emotions often flow from our thoughts. Taking each thought and considering whether or not it’s true can be an important step in curbing negative thinking. Does the thought have a basis in reality? Our imaginations can run down a rabbit trail essentially creating stories in our heads which are not grounded in truth. The antidote is to catch the thought as soon as you realize that it’s not productive or helpful.  Developing an awareness of your thought patterns can lead to healthier ways of thinking which in turn can positively affect your emotions and your mental wellbeing.  Renewing our minds involves not only the awareness and halting the negative thought but also in being grounded in truth. For me, holding onto my faith and meditating on scripture help to keep me centered. Every day I try to choose peace and faith over fear and worry. ~ KP

The above blog was written by Kristin Pardue from PGC’s business office.  Kristin is in training to become a Marriage and Family Therapist. We can’t wait for her to finish her training and bless the world with her many talents.  Thank you Kristin for sharing this blog with us and we hope there will be many more forthcoming, when your busy schedule allows.  Peace, John  

Toxic People…… 11/27/22

It is nice, but how often does it happen?  I suspect most toxic people have ego issues and talk just to hear themselves. Often, they have alienated others so they don’t have much choice with whom to talk. Notice I said “to talk” and not “to talk with.”  Two things: you don’t need to wait for them; you can take out your own garbage; second, you don’t have to wait for garbage day!  Peace, John 

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What’s Your Blood Type?…..11/20/22

That seems to explain it doesn’t it? How do you be “too optimistic?” I think being optimistic is a positive trait; I wish I had more of it. We often get pulled into a negative outlook on things. Then we start worrying about things that haven’t happened yet, just because we think they might happen. We become anxious. Could we keep a better perspective, stay in the present, and have a better sense of probability when we think about the future? If so, we might be able to stay in reality, and become a little more optimistic ourselves. You could then adopt the blood type, “B+”   Peace, John

Please send me some feedback on this blog. What did you like about it? What didn’t you like? What topics would you like to hear my thoughts on.  You may also send me an email and a quote that you might like to see me write about on my blog.  You can email your comments to me at jpacheco@personalgrowthconcepts.com Please put the word “blog” in the subject line.  I thank you in advance and wish you well in who you are and in all that you do.

Calming Down…..11/13/22

A few weeks ago on my blog I wrote about the futility of trying to change someone who doesn’t see the need for change. This is a good sequel to that blog. When people get “worked up” our tendency is to want them to calm down so that we don’t get “worked up” with them. This doesn’t work anymore than trying to get a clown from behaving as a clown! If you keep the focus on your self, your best bet maybe to keep your self calm. Doing so will keep you grounded, in charge of your self, and may help the other person regain composure and calmness. I must admit, it’s hard to do, but there’s usually no sense in getting worked up with them.  Peace, John

In addition to following me on Facebook and Twitter, you can also follow Personal Growth Concepts, Inc. on Facebook (@PersonalGrowthConceptsInc) and on Twitter (@PGCCounseling)

Loving Your Self…..11/6/22

What happened to you is a part of who you are. It is not who you are. It’s a piece of you, but not the entirety. You don’t have to like what happened to you or some of the pieces of yourself. Accepting the pieces, even the ones you don’t like, is helpful.  You can’t change what happened to you but you can heal the parts of you affected. Do you believe you can love who you are and not like some of the pieces? Acceptance and the ability to love go hand in hand, don’t you think?  Peace, John

How to leave a comment on this blog: First, make sure that you are on the actual blog: https://personalgrowthconcepts.wordpress.com  (this is important if you are viewing the Touchpoints blog post on Facebook, LinkedIn, other locations or, if it has been forwarded to you by someone else). Above the picture and/or quote there is a title and a date. Just below that, in small print, are the categories and the tags. These are helpful if you’re using the search feature. At the end of those there are the words, “leave a comment.” Click on that and follow the directions. Once you have typed your comment and click send, I will be notified and approve the comment before it will be visible to all. Please let me know if you have any trouble with this.

Guest Blog “Be Here Now, 2d Thoughts”….. 11/2/22

Bloggers, the following comments were shared with me shortly after my blogpost dated 7/11/22. To review that blogpost and my comments, click on TOUCHPOINTS, from Personal Growth Concepts, Inc. | Supportive quotes with a personal, genuine and caring touch (wordpress.com) and above the search bar on the left, type in the words “be here now.” I truly appreciate KE and her thoughts on that blog post and I’m happy to share them with you below. Peace, John

This post speaks volumes to me. I seem to have been looking at the whole staircase for a long time before I was taught the “KE, be here now,” technique through therapy.  It is still a challenge to this day.  

Also, I am truly bruised from tripping up the stairs.

For me, staying in the now takes a load off of my mind, decreases my anxiety and has helped me tremendously.  I need this message in my world to enjoy the now; life is too short.  From my experience with losses it always comes to my mind the plans people had for “tomorrow.”  

I decided to continue to work on myself in this area of practicing what I have learned; I focus on one step at a time when I can.  When I can’t, I will refer and remind myself of the “be here now” technique and refocus. I love how this quote emphasizes and reminds me of what I have learned.

Thanks, John, I truly appreciate this quote. KE

Changing Others…… 10/30/22

You can stop after the first four words. Even if they see an issue in their actions, you still can’t change them! This quote reminds us that we are directly powerless over people, places, things and events. There are only two things in the world that you can directly control, if you choose to: your thoughts, and your behaviors, which include what you say and how you say it. I encourage you to take that last sentence seriously and to heart. If you focus on those 2 items, your life will become simpler. Peace, John

I invite you to become a guest blogger.  It’s easy – find a quote that speaks to you and write a few sentences about it and what it means to you, or what it means in general. Send it all to me in an email with subject line reading “Guest blogger.”  I will review and publish it, with gratitude, and with the hope that others will benefit from it as well. If you need some help, I can furnish you with a quote or several to pick from – I have hundreds of them. Let me know.   Peace,  John  

Circus-Going.…..10/23/22

It’s easier to blame someone or something else. It deceives you into thinking you have no responsibility. Look deeper at the reality. What is your responsibility in this situation?  Can you own it? The clown isn’t likely to change its spots! If you look deeper at the reality, you may be able to choose a different activity other than circus-going!  Peace, John 

Be Here Now…10/16/22

Living in the past can be troubling or encouraging, depending on your past. Living in tomorrow can be anxiety provoking. 

Today is the present. Can you unwrap it and enjoy your present? 

Peace, John  

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Guest Blog: The Myth of a Loud Voice……10/12/22

“As a child growing up, the voices outside of your head were louder than the voice inside; they were perceived as the only authority you should listen to.”

If you grew up in a dysfunctional/unhealthy/abusive family, the following  guest blog post might be informative or helpful [jp]:

This was the beginning of your brainwashing indoctrination, which subdued the inner voice to whispers, and even complete silence in some instances. This effectively puts a monkey wrench in the workings of your brain so you no longer trust your own thoughts, only those of which you are told to have, by those you believe are more knowledgeable about what’s best for you.

Without being able to rely on your inner voice for guidance, you are mentally restrained and unable to follow your true calling. You wander through life aimlessly from one unsatisfying job or relationship to the next, lashing out at all that appears to be blocking your path, blaming everyone for your inability to thrive. Due to lack of understanding, and not knowing who to listen to, you unknowingly create chaos in the lives of those around you. In your attempts to flourish, you subjugate your loved ones to the same brainwashing that was thrust upon you. All you ever needed to do was to quiet your mind and trust yourself, not any outside influences.

You will get the answers you need to live a happy fulfilling life by just listening to your own thoughts. You are the only one that knows what’s right for you.  You are the only one that is living your life.

Lee, written 5/5/22

Lee, We thank you for this contribution to our blog. We are reminded: “Louder isn’t always healthier!”  Your wisdom explains why many of us from unhealthy/dysfunctional families frequently pass the unhealthy patterns on to others instead of healing, and gives us a hint as to how to start healing this aspect of the dysfunction. We look forward to your future contributions to our blog.  Peace, John

Parenting and Re-parenting….. 10/9/22

“We will love you… until you learn to love yourself”

Normal parenting. By us loving you, you learn that you are worthy of love, i.e “lovable.” We may not like some of the things you do – and we may even let you know that, but we still love you. Dislike the behavior but love the child!

“Sometimes you’ve just got to give yourself what you wish someone else would give you.”

Unfortunately, some grew up without love☹. Either their parents or caretakers weren’t able or capable. Most probably did the best they could. In that case, we now need to figure out how to reparent ourselves. It’s not always easy to figure out how and to give ourselves what we never had, especially when we are grieving the loss of that which we never had!  If you’re in this situation, counseling and other resources are available and can help.  Peace, John 

Please send me some feedback on this blog. What did you like about it? What didn’t you like? What topics would you like to hear my thoughts on.  You may also send me an email and a quote that you might like to see me write about on my blog.  You can email your comments to me at jpacheco@personalgrowthconcepts.com Please put the word “blog” in the subject line.  I thank you in advance and wish you well in who you are and in all that you do.

The Bully In Your Head…..10/2/22

This bully controls your thoughts and your behaviors in an attempt to manage your feelings, usually anxiety, and insecurities. Some think it’s biochemical; others think it’s genetic. If you have it, it can be like a bully, bossing you around. Unfortunately, it usually is moderately successful in the short run, but works against itself in the long run. Since most of it is in your head and deals with your thinking and feelings, most people only see the behavior; they are not apt to see or understand what’s going on with you. You understand and, if you try to explain it to them, their ability to “get it” can vary. Accepting it may be another matter for you and for them. In certain occupations OCD can be an asset, particularly when attention to detail is important. Medication, therapy (cognitive behavioral), learning to manage your feelings and finding support are among helpful ways of dealing with it. Someone once told me that whoever named OCD must NOT have had OCD. “If they did, they would have put the letters in the proper order, CDO!” So much for the bully! Peace, John

In addition to following me on Facebook and Twitter, you can also follow Personal Growth Concepts, Inc. on Facebook (@PersonalGrowthConceptsInc) and on Twitter (@PGCCounseling)

Stepping…..9/25/22

After monkey bars in my last blog post, it’s time for the memory of another childhood game: “May I take 5 giant steps forward?” “No, you may not!” “May I take one baby step forward?”  “Yes, you may.” Remember it? There were several steps in the game and the object was to move ahead, to get to the goal first. While we may hope that one giant step will put the goal in our grasp, it doesn’t usually work that way.  Most of you know that it’s been said, “The journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step.” So, when you figure out where are you want to go, point your self in that direction and take a step. It’s important you take another one and then follow that with another one. That’s the way you build momentum and eventually get to where you want. One foot in front of the other. One step at a time. Hoping you enjoy your journey. Peace, John

How to leave a comment on this blog:

First, make sure that you are on the actual blog:https://personalgrowthconcepts.wordpress.com  (this is important if you are viewing the Touchpoints blog post on Facebook, LinkedIn, other locations or, if it has been forwarded to you by someone else). Above the picture and/or quote there is a title and a date. Just below that, in small print, are the categories and the tags. These are helpful if you’re using the search feature.

Lessons from Monkey Bars …..9/18/22

Remember those monkey bars when you were a kid?  In my time they could be pretty dangerous themselves. Falling off them, you could hurt yourself on a bar below or by hitting the ground.  You really didn’t want to let go of one bar until you had firmly grasped the next one. It’s kind of like that in real life. You have to find some sturdy support in a different issue, grasp it firmly, before you can really let go.  Usually that support involves grabbing on to your self and building your self worth/esteem. You have to reach for them and let go of the security of your “now” if you want to move ahead or climb down. At the end, it’s ok to be “grounded” again.

I remind you of two famous quotes: one from the 12-step programs and the other from ‘yours truly.’  

“Let Go & Let God.”   “Let Go or Be Dragged!”  You don’t want to be stuck on the monkey bars, do you? Peace, John  

I invite you to become a guest blogger.  It’s easy, find a quote that speaks to you and write a few sentences about it and what it means to you, or what it means in general. Send it all to me in an email with subject line reading “Guest blogger.”  I will review and publish it, with gratitude, and with the hope that others will benefit from it as well. If you need some help, I can furnish you with a quote or several to pick from – I have hundreds of them. Let me know.   Peace,  John  

Procrastination…..9/11/22

I thought it was time for a little comic relief – what do you think? Peace, John

If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to share it with your friends on social media. Encourage them to sign up.  Thank you!

Learning to Fly…..9/4/22

If you grew up in an unhealthy family, that was your “normal.”  To you, healthy people will appear to be abnormal or dysfunctional. It can be a challenge to break out of your unhealthiness, but it is possible. It takes hard work, someone to challenge the unrealistic beliefs you have learned, and to teach new and healthier ways of dealing with life situations and your feelings.

I know this to be true because, over the years, I’ve witnessed many clients make significant changes, outgrow their old patterns and become new and healthier people.  If what you’re doing isn’t working for you, time to stop, get someone healthier and commission them to be your guide. Then do the hard work of changing your thoughts and behaviors while learning how to manage your feelings differently. Remember, you are an eagle even though you may have been brought up and taught you were something else. Grow beyond! Happy relearning! Fly anyway!  Peace, John

Please send me some feedback on this blog. What did you like about it? What didn’t you like? What topics would you like to hear my thoughts on.  You may also send me an email and a quote that you might like to see me write about on my blog.  You can email your comments to me at jpacheco@personalgrowthconcepts.com Please put the word “blog” in the subject line.  I thank you in advance and wish you well in who you are and in all that you do.

Grieving …..8/28/22

Clouds do what clouds are meant to do, absorb moisture. Hearts do what hearts are meant to do, experience feelings. Both are subject to natural forces and respond when overwhelmed. Let it rain; let yourself grieve and feel the pain.   Peace, John

In addition to following me on Facebook and Twitter, you can also follow Personal Growth Concepts, Inc. on Facebook (@PersonalGrowthConceptsInc) and on Twitter (@PGCCounseling)

The Other Serenity Prayer……8/21/22

It says: “working on doing better.” I say: “Stop trying to be perfect. God has a monopoly on perfection and hates competition!” Work on being better than you were yesterday! Peace, John

How to leave a comment on this blog:

First, make sure that you are on the actual blog:

https://personalgrowthconcepts.wordpress.com  (this is important if you are viewing the Touchpoints blog post on Facebook, LinkedIn, other locations or, if it has been forwarded to you by someone else). Above the picture and/or quote there is a title and a date. Just below that, in small print, are the categories and the tags. These are helpful if you’re using the search feature. At the end of those there are the words, “leave a comment.” Click on that and follow the directions. Once you have typed your comment and click send, I will be notified and approve the comment before it will be visible to all. Please let me know if you have any trouble with this.

Dealing with Feelings…….8/14/22

Whoever said “Feelings are not forever,” was probably right. Many of us spend a lot of time trying to get rid of feelings we would rather not have. Wasted time! Feelings just happen. True they may be triggered by somebody, something, an event or an external message we receive or an internal message we give ourselves. We are directly powerless over our feelings. It helps if we identify the cluster of feelings that we are experiencing and then accept them as our reality for that moment. If we’ve done these two things, really done them, and we don’t like the feelings, we may be able to influence those feelings by changing some of our behaviors and/or our thoughts. There’s a lot of wisdom in these few sentences, don’t you think?  Peace, John 

I invite you to become a guest blogger.  It’s easy, find a quote that speaks to you and write a few sentences about it and what it means to you, or what it means in general. Send it all to me in an email (jpacheco@personalgrowthconcepts.com) with subject line reading “Guest blogger.”  I will review and publish it, with gratitude, and with the hope that others will benefit from it as well.  If you need some help, I can furnish you with a quote or several to pick from – I have hundreds of them. Let me know.   Peace,  John   

Gratitude and Heart…..8/7/22

Fellow bloggers,  

I’d like to suggest something different today. I put the above quote out there for you (my part) and ask you to seriously consider writing your own thoughts/comments and sending them back to me (your part). Depending on the response, I’ll forward some or all of them in a future blog post so we can benefit from them. Peace, John 

If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to share it with your friends on social media. Encourage them to sign up.  Thank you! 

Depression….. 7/31/22

In short, it’s frustrating.  You may not even know there’s anything wrong because you think other people are experiencing life the same as you.  You want to be like everybody else and you can’t!  You don’t even know where to begin to try.  People ask you, “What’s wrong?”  And you don’t know what to tell them.  You don’t know how to describe it.  You try and they don’t get it.  Your conclusion, “It must be me.”  This leads to guilt and more feelings of worthlessness and insecurity.  The worse you feel, the less you do.  Your sleeping, eating, memory, concentration, and ability to enjoy things you were fond of previously, are diminished and your self-esteem drops.  You and the world have lost color.  You compare yourself with others, less depressed people and you want to be like them, but you can’t seem to get there.   

Is it hereditary?  Is it learned?  Are you just feeling sorry for yourself?  Are you just lazy?  Is it biochemical or in some way, physical in nature?  Name it.  Call it depression.  For most people, there are ways through depression and out.  Regular exercise (as simple as walking) can help, but you have to push yourself through it because it’s probably the last thing you feel like doing.  For some, improving nutrition can help.  Medication and talking with a licensed mental health professional also can assist you in looking at these and other options. You can begin to chart a way back to color-land.   

If you’re considering harming yourself, someone else or suicide, you can now call 988 which is the new number for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.  You can call them 24 hours per day.  Peace, John

Please send me some feedback on this blog. What did you like about it? What didn’t you like? What topics would you like to hear my thoughts on.  You may also send me an email and a quote that you might like to see me write about on my blog.  You can email your comments to me at jpacheco@personalgrowthconcepts.com Please put the word “blog” in the subject line.  I thank you in advance and wish you well in who you are and in all that you do.  

Progress……7/24/22

Or, as I prefer to say: “YARD BY YARD, IT’S HARD; BUT, INCH BY INCH, IT’S A CINCH!”    Peace, John 

In addition to following me on Facebook and Twitter, you can also follow Personal Growth Concepts, Inc. on Facebook (@PersonalGrowthConceptsInc) and on Twitter (@PGCCounseling) 

Communicating……7/17/22

Relationship = 2 people and a connection. Communication keeps the connection going. on. Communication is the alternating between talking and listening.  Remember, communication is a 2 way street. Neither one of them can be one way!  Peace, John 

How to leave a comment on this blog: 

First, make sure that you are on the actual blog:  https://personalgrowthconcepts.wordpress.com  (this is important if you are viewing the Touchpoints blog post on Facebook, LinkedIn, other locations or, if it has been forwarded to you by someone else). Above the picture and/or quote there is a title and a date. Just below that, in small print, are the categories and the tags. These are helpful if you’re using the search feature. At the end of those there are the words, “leave a comment.” Click on that and follow the directions. Once you have typed your comment and click send, I will be notified and approve the comment before it will be visible to all. Please let me know if you have any trouble with this. 

Being True to Your Self…..7/3/22

It gets complicated when we try to figure out what other people want from us.  We then contort ourselves into what we imagine – and it’s never enough, is it?  Why not keep it simple? Just be the best person you are able to be for today and try to improve your self a smidge for tomorrow.  Take off the costume and the mask, get off the stage, reconnect to yourself, use “I statements” and let others be who they choose to be.  We are powerless over others’ choices.  We can only change our selves!  Are you up for that?   Peace, John

If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to share it with your friends and on social media. Encourage them to sign up.  Thank you!

Healing Emotional Pain……4/9/23

I used to tell clients “You have to feel it to heal it.” I no longer tell them that. I’ve discovered that “feeling it” does not ensure that it gets healed. Whatever caused the emotional pain can usually be denied, or minimized because remembering it can put one back in touch with the pain. “If I don’t think about the situation then I won’t have to feel the pain again.” The pain remains, but gets shoved aside. Healing it involves first, being apart from the situation that caused you the pain in the first place, and then developing a relationship with yourself (and possibly a counselor) and beginning to share the memory and the feelings, usually in small bites, in a safe environment. Not dealing with the emotional pain leaves you wounded, hurting and likely to pass that pain onto key people in your life. Not healing it frequently perpetuates it. Why not slowly begin the process of healing?  Peace, John

Please send me some feedback on this blog. What did you like about it? What didn’t you like? What topics would you like to hear my thoughts on.  You may also send me an email and a quote that you might like to see me write about on my blog.  You can email your comments to me at jpacheco@personalgrowthconcepts.com. Please put the word “blog” in the subject line.  I thank you in advance and wish you well in who you are and in all that you do.