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Be cautious if someone is judging you. They may be trying to manipulate you. Do not fall for their unhealthy guilt trip. Especially be aware of the word “should” which indicates the guilt trip. If you’re being judged, listen to their concern, try to separate it from their attempt to manipulate you, use what you can and let go of the rest. In short, reclaim your power and your sense of self. Peace, John
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“Accept the person and situation for exactly what it is, instead of trying to manipulate it into what you think it needs to be.” ~ Mandy Hale
Are you as guilty of non-acceptance as frequently as I? [quite often]. I fight it and have to constantly remind myself that I’m not in control here, or “God ain’t finished with me yet!” I want it to be the way I want it to be (read: think it should be). When I finally get a grip on the situation, I frequently remind myself, “This isn’t Burger King, I can’t have it my way!” – And you can’t either. Change what you can and let go (accept) the rest. Peace, John
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Feeling lazy? In small amounts, doing nothing can be beneficial. Allowing yourself to “rest” may allow you to recoup your energy or refocus your efforts and become more productive. Too often, when faced with a decision to make or a problem to solve, we can get in an internal gridlock characterized by inaction. This doesn’t help us move ahead and we end up treading water, going around in circles. It creates a dam in the flow of our lives and the pressure builds up behind it. If we continue to do nothing, the pressure builds and continues to increase and will eventually break the dam. We will have lost control and the valley gets flooded. Do we really want to give up that much control? Most of what we worry about when we’re doing nothing never comes to pass. Why not make a decision? Why not reduce the pressure on the dam and direct the water where it can be most productive in fertilizing the valley? Do you want a life that is out of control and drowning, or one that is fruitful and growing? Look at what you’re doing! Peace, John
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Someone once told me the oldest form of relaxation was a deep sigh – breathing in deeply, holding it for a couple of seconds, and then exhaling. While you’re doing that consciously, your mind is focused on the breathing in and the breathing out. This gives you a break from whatever you were focusing on before, and brings you into the now.
The first SoulCollage® card I made several years ago is of an exhausted child sitting in a bucket. It sits on my desk. I named it “Rest.” It reminds me to take a break and I frequently do it between “two deep breaths.” As we enter 2022 I wish each of you a happy and blessed new year. In 2022 may you frequently find respite in the rest between two deep breaths. Peace, John
If you would like to see a copy of my first SoulCollage® card, please send me an email (jpacheco@personalgrowthconcepts.com) with “Request Rest” in the subject line. I will be happy to forward you a .pdf of it.
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EASY DOES IT – “There’s no need to put pressure on yourself. Take life one stride at a time and you’ll be surprised at the goals you have accomplished without the stress.” ~contributed by Aggie R
I’m as guilty as the next person, always putting pressure on myself. It seems that my “to do” lists, despite my hard work, keep getting longer and longer. The first SoulCollage® card I made is entitled “Rest” and, when I look at it, reminds me to take it easy. I’ve been a little better lately taking breaks and I seem to be getting a little more accomplished. Won’t you give it a try?
Peace, John
How to leave a comment on this blog:
First, make sure that you are on the actual blog: https://personalgrowthconcepts.wordpress.com (this is important if you are viewing the Touchpoints blogpost on Facebook, LinkedIn, other locations or, if it has been forwarded to you by someone else). Above the picture and/or quote there is a title and a date. Just below that, in small print, are the categories and the tags. These are helpful if you’re using the search feature. At the end of those there are the words, “leave a comment.” Click on that and follow the directions. Once you have typed your comment and click send, I will be notified and approve the comment before it will be visible to all. Please let me know if you have any trouble with this.
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I had my son come over the other day to help me with a new printer. When I initially installed it, it was working fine, but somewhere along the line it stopped. I had tried a couple of things but it was his idea that clinched it. He shut it off, waited a few seconds, and turned it back on. It went looking for the Wi-Fi, and when it found it, reset itself and was back to normal. Duh! It had apparently lost its Wi-Fi connection when the power went out. When the power came back on, it didn’t know to reconnect.
We are the same way, don’t you think? With the stress of Covid, anxieties about catching it and the uncertainties about work, school, and leisure activities, it’s no wonder more of us haven’t “burned out,” or maybe “browned out.” When’s the last time you unplugged, went off the grid, shut down all your connections for a period of time and recharged your personal batteries? Apps like “Breethe,” “Calm,” and “Sanvello” may help. There are numerous meditations, nature sounds, relaxation exercises and self-hypnosis recordings that you can find online or on YouTube. If you have trouble finding them, let me know. I know it may be a challenge, but a day or two of a “stay-cation” might be worthwhile as well. (Did you take a vacation this summer?) Labor Day is coming, and soon thereafter Columbus Day weekend. Think about plugging back in on a Tuesday morning for a change. Power up after the rest, and you will probably function better than before. You deserve it!
Peace, John
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I have a SoulCollage® card that reminds me to “rest.” Yes, I need to be reminded! Today’s blog post is a good sequel to last week’s – remembering to love your self. Rest allows you to replenish, to refill your tanks. It’s been said “winners lose more than losers.” Losers go out and try and, if at first they don’t succeed, they try a few more times and then quit. Winners keep trying and, when they lose, learn from their losing and persist. Perhaps, in the persisting, they remember to rest. Creative ideas come more readily to those who rest, who shift their focus and then return to the task at hand. Remember, when tired, rest! You deserve it.
Peace, John
I invite you to be a guest blogger. Find a quote that speaks to you and write a few sentences about it and what it means to you. Send it all to me in an email (jpacheco@personalgrowthconcepts.com) with subject line reading “Guest blogger.” I will review and publish it, with gratitude, and with the hope that others will benefit from it as well. Peace, John
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It’s okay to be selfish. It is not okay to be selfless. If you constantly give of yourself, pretty soon there will be nothing left in your tanks to give anymore. Rest! Take some time; do some things you enjoy, alone, just for yourself. Don’t worry, you’re not likely to become egotistical. You are seeking balance. Try nurturing yourself as much as you nurture others. Once you are out of your comfort zone, the results could be astonishing! Peace, John
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Do you get impatient with yourself? Instead of putting yourself down, why not develop the patience to be gentle with yourself in all situations? It doesn’t take much except changing your thinking and your self-talk. Ease up on yourself. What direction are you headed? Remember the turtle and the hare? Who won? I rest my case!
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I’ve been told the last thoughts we put into our mind before we fall asleep at night are the most powerful. They flow from our consciousness to that in-between state I call trance, and then easily glide into our unconsciousness, sleep.
A former client of mine named Barbara, whom I have affectionately dubbed the “queen of affirmations,” went through a phase of using affirmations everywhere in her life. She had them written on sticky notes in her checkbook, on her mirrors, around her house and workplace. She also left a message for herself on her answering machine which she heard every time she retrieved her messages. She knew that affirmations worked best if they were repeated often. One-shot deals with them don’t seem to stick. I think she either created or picked 2 or 3 affirmations every month that spoke specifically to her and developed the habit of writing them down at least 10 times each day. As the affirmations took hold and the counseling continued, I was able to watch Barbara’s attitude improve and her rapid healing.
I share the above affirmations with you in the hopes that you invite them into your thinking and possibly, your evening bedtime preparations. They will help you put your day in perspective, focus on the positive thoughts and actions you have had during the day and prepare you for a restful slumber.
I hope that you remembered to turn your clocks back last night and that this post assists you in adapting to the lost hour of sleep!
Peace,
John
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“When someone you love becomes a memory – that memory becomes a treasure.” ~ from AARP Grief and Loss Programs Online, website: www.aarp.org/griefandloss
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To an old friend;
For what is it to die but to stand in the wind and melt into the sun?
And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides that it may rise and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.
Rest in peace dear friend. Now you can sing, climb, dance.
~Khalil Gibran, The Prophet
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The Legend of the Dragonflies
By observing the world of nature, we can often gain a glimpse of some of the great truths about life and death. There is a charming and poignant little parable about the mystery of life after death that draws from the amazing metamorphosis of water bugs into dragonflies.
The story begins with a colony of water bugs who spent their days scurrying around in the mud at the bottom of a pond. The water bugs agreed that the next one to make that journey would return to tell the others where he or she had gone. But when the next water bug climbed up the lily stalk and broke through the surface of the water she was amazed at what she saw! Her body had changed so she now had four silver wings and a long tail. She was a dragonfly! She began to fly, swooping and diving with glee through the air, the bright sunshine warming her new body.
Then she remembered her promise to return to her friends. She could see them at the bottom of the pond, but when she darted down towards them, she bounced off the water’s surface. Now that she was a dragonfly, she could no longer go into the water. At first she was dismayed, but then she understood that her friends would all one day join her. They would then soar happily together in the awesome and colorful new world air and sunshine. In our water bug world, we grieve the loss of our loved ones who seem to disappear from sight. Let us hold onto the message of the dragonfly who gives us a glimpse of the wonder of life everlasting.
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Friends, my thoughts and blog post today are focused on grieving and those of you experiencing your own losses of loved ones. Pat, our former “office gal” for over eight years, died a week ago. She had been sick for a long time with chronic kidney failure requiring 3x/week dialysis for decades to keep her alive. Despite her chronic and worsening conditions, she was always joyful, upbeat and was quite the storyteller at our staff Christmas parties and summer get-togethers. What an inspiration and blessing she was for me and our staff. Maryann, Janice and I attended her funeral last Thursday in Westport and we spent time both in silence and in sharing, transforming our memories into treasures. Surely Pat has achieved her mountain top and is climbing, singing, dancing and flitting around, as always, joyous on this, her new journey. I have been blessed to have that glimpse of the wonder. Pat, I kept my promise – I never made you cry! Godspeed, my friend. Peace, John
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Here are some ideas to help you “get it!”
OK – so you and your loved ones have gotten through the holidays. Perhaps someone you love was depressed before or during the holidays. It can be a hard time when it seems like everybody is upbeat and happy. The gap between what society tells them (or they believe) they should be feeling and what they are actually feeling can seem larger for those who are already depressed. The depression can linger and worsen. Try to separate the post holiday blues (cold weather, bills coming due, etc.) from a deeper form of what we call “major depression.” Major depression lingers, usually interferes with sleep, appetite and daily routines and is characterized by strong negative feelings including: guilt, sadness, regrets, shame, inadequacy, and fear. Depression often interferes with attention, concentration, and memory.
What can you do if someone you love feels depressed? Telling yourself that you can’t do anything only avoids the situation – it definitely doesn’t help you or them in the long run. The first thing you can do is take good care of your self. Set good boundaries, get adequate rest, make “I statements” and keep up your daily routines. If you’re not good for you, you won’t be able to be helpful to anyone else!
Next, learn about depression and acknowledge that it is a highly treatable disorder. The symptoms of the disorder often make it hard for the person to connect/communicate with loved ones, friends and at work. Try not to take the symptoms personally. I know of no one who has ever chosen to be depressed. They are not doing it “to you” or “to get back at you.” In fact, they aren’t doing it deliberately at all. Depression is often an interplay between genetic, bio-physiological and cognitive factors. Remind yourself that you can’t “fix” it – don’t try to rescue them and, if need be, remind yourself that their depression is not your fault. Find ways to express your concern, try to guide them to help and stick with them through the treatment process.
If the person is seriously depressed and you think they may be thinking about suicide, ask them! If they are talking about suicide, please take it seriously. Do not leave the person alone. Remember exactly what the person said and call 911 and let the EMTs or hospital staff evaluate it. The reality is that people who are talking about harming themselves are at a greater risk of attempting suicide.
Here are some ideas about what you can say that may help:
- You are not alone in this. I’m here for you.
- You may not believe it now, but the way you’re feeling will change.
- I may not be able to understand exactly how you feel, but I care about you and want to help.
- When you want to give up, tell yourself you will hold on for just one more day, hour, minute—whatever you can manage.
- You are important to me. Your life is important to me.
- Tell me what I can do now to help you.
Avoid saying things like:
- It’s all in your head.
- We all go through times like this.
- Look on the bright side.
- You have so much to live for why do you want to die?
- I can’t do anything about your situation.
- Just snap out of it.
- What’s wrong with you?
- Shouldn’t you be better by now?
The above two listings adapted from: The Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance as quoted in: http://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/helping-a-depressed-person.htm
Treatment options may include: counseling, medication prescribed by a primary care physician, physician’s assistant or advanced practice registered nurse, exercise, diet and a variety of other alternative therapies. Frequently, combinations of these treatments have proven more effective and timely. Remember, several underlying medical problems can leave people feeling depressed; these medical conditions need to be ruled out by appropriate medical practitioners. These may include: anemia, mononucleosis, thyroid & other endocrine disorders, neurological disorders, and chronic fatigue syndrome and other autoimmune disorders.
If a simple screen for depression would be helpful, please contact me via email at jpacheco@personalgrowthconcepts.com Type in the subject line: request for depression screen.
Finally, remember, just being there with them, supporting, not judging and guiding them (not controlling or forcing them!) can help them through the darkest times.
Peace, John
Today we welcome 15 new members to our blog. They are people I have known and cared about in the past and the years have seen us drift although the memories of time shared are positive and long-lasting. In cleaning up some old email addresses, I decided to add these people to my blog list. If you received this and are not interested in getting weekly positive quotes along with some of my insights, please feel free to unsubscribe yourself. If you received it and are happy to hear from me again and, if you benefit from it, please feel free to let me know and to pass it on. Peace, John
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“You and God are a pair that will beat three of a kind any day!”
~ John Pacheco
What’s your game? Do you want to become a better winner? Whatever you’re up against, teaming up with God, Higher Power, the Universe or whatever you choose to call him, or her, can be very helpful. Why play Lone Ranger (i.e. go it alone) when you can have the excellent companionship and wisdom of one greater than yourself? Sometimes, late at night, I pray, “God, I did my best, you do the rest! You’re going to be up all night anyway!! Just give me the courage to take on whatever I find you have left on my plate in the morning! ”
Here’s a handout I use often to encourage people to do their part and to let God do His part:
PEDAL
At first I saw God as my observer, my judge, keeping track of the things I did wrong, so as to know whether I merited Heaven or Hell when I die. He was out there sort of like the president. I recognized His picture when I saw it, but I didn’t really know Him.
But later on when I recognized my Higher Power, it seemed as though life was rather like a bike ride, but it was a tandem bike, and I noticed that God was in the back helping me pedal.
I don’t know just when it was that He suggested we change places, but life has not been the same since. Life with my Higher Power, that is. God makes life exciting!
When I had control, I knew the way. It was rather boring, but predictable. It was the shortest distance between two points.
But when He took the lead, He knew delightful long cuts, up mountains and through rocky places and at breakneck speeds; it was all I could do to hang on!!! Even though it looked like madness, He said “Pedal!”
I worried and was anxious and asked, “Where are you taking me?” He laughed and didn’t answer, and I started to learn to trust.
I forgot my boring life and entered into the adventure. And when I’d say “I’m scared,” He’d lean back and touch my hand.
He took me to people with gifts that I needed, gifts of healing, acceptance and joy. They gave me their gifts to take on my journey, our journey, God’s and mine.
And we were off again. He said, “Give the gifts away; they’re extra baggage, too much weight.” So I did to the people we met, and I found that in giving I received, and still our burden was light.
I did not trust Him at first, in control of my life. I thought He’d wreck it. But he knows bike secrets, knows how to make it bend to take sharp corners, jump to clear high rocks, fly to shorten scary passages!
And I am learning to shut up and pedal in the strangest places, and I’m beginning to enjoy the view and the cool breeze on my face with my delightful constant companion, my Higher Power.
And when I’m sure I just can’t do any more, He just smiles and says…”Pedal” ~ author unknown
TOUCHPOINTS, from Personal Growth Concepts, Inc. 