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Don’t be obsessive, BUT don’t be naive……”BE thoughtfully aware!”
It’s fair to say, “things have changed dramatically” over the last few months! What was once a “normal daily routine” no longer exists. It’s a fact that changes and circumstances bring about interruptions in our daily lives, and we learn to adjust – sometimes on our own, and at times with the love, concern, and support of others (a wonderful thing!).
HOWEVER, this change/interruption is vastly different- something I’ve never experienced in my lifetime! COVID-19 – a GLOBAL pandemic; our country, as well as others, “shut-down”, no traveling, no sports or games, no shopping except for essentials (although shelves were often empty), isolation (after 9/11 everyone came together and in both tragedies and celebrations people gathered – not now!), empty streets. The streets of NYC on TV looked so “bizarre!” And it all happened so quickly – from stability to uncertainty in “no time at all!”
As I “surfed the internet” for information, news media, read “often conflicting” articles by scientists and doctors, received an unending stream of sharing new insights from friends, and family, I didn’t like what I was feeling! It wasn’t so much fear (although I’m sure there had to be some underlying fear), but chaos and mass confusion! Very unsettling! My son and I were having a conversation about this and the chaotic events of the day; he told me of a quote that a friend would share during times of debate or discussion. “Don’t be obsessive, BUT don’t be naïve —-BE thoughtfully aware!”
I thought about that quote and “took it apart”:
OBSESSIVE: excessive thoughts or actions; constantly thinks about; fears about contamination (in this case, contagious)
NAIVE: showing lack of wisdom, judgement, information
CONFUSION: stress, sleep deprivation, information overload, exposure to new situations
That quote helped to clarify and validate the confusion and chaos I was feeling. In my quest for information, I was on “information overload!” I needed to “be thoughtfully aware” which gives me a healthy balance.
“Being thoughtfully aware” has taken on an additional dimension for me since having the conversation about it with my son a month ago. Prayer is an important part of my life; as I begin each day with meditation and prayer, I now conclude with asking God for His guidance and help in ”being thoughtfully aware” through the day. Sometimes it comes in the form of some “self-awareness;” sometimes it’s reaching out to someone that I’ve been thinking about; sometimes it’s a conversation; and, sometimes a kind word given or received. No more confusion and definitely a more peaceful place to be in!
As we now are going through the phases of “re-opening” our state, may we be “thoughtfully aware”
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Today’s guest blogger is the newest member of our Personal Growth Concepts Inc. office staff, Barbara. I thank her for taking the time and sharing with us on why and how to be “thoughtfully aware” during these trying times. ~ jp
I invite you to become a guest blogger. It’s easy à find a quote that speaks to you and write a few sentences about it and what it means to you, or what it means in general. Send it all to me in an email with subject line reading “Guest blogger.” I will review and publish it, with gratitude, and with the hope that others will benefit from it as well. If you need some help, I can furnish you with a quote or several to pick from – I have hundreds of them. Let me know. Peace, John
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“Muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone.” ~Alan Watts
When I feel confused my struggle often leads to frustration. My frustration leads to agitation and then my agitation moves me to confront the confusion by trying harder. Such unfocused effort increases the confusion, which increases frustration, yielding more agitation. I increase my efforts and get more confusion. You get it, right? Catch 22?
Repeatedly passing through this cycle consumes my time and increases my fatigue and exhaustion. Eventually I’m forced, or choose to pause and rest. This allows my body and mind to recover, replenish. It is during this period of rest that I often find clarity. Sometimes I detect a nuance in language or punctuation that suddenly reveals the meaning of a hard to grasp concept or a series of hard to understand actions. Sometimes, while pausing, my unconscious provides me an insight, an understanding that seems to just “snap into” the right place.
Understanding comes at times of peace and reflection. Effort for effort’s sake usually continues to produce distractions, misinterpretations and distance from clarity. Sometimes putting something on the shelf reveals its true function, whereas a quick glance and hasty interpretation can lead to irreparable damage. When confused, consider taking a break, stepping back, letting some time pass and getting a different perspective. You and your world deserve it
The above blogpost was written for us by our own counselor, Charles Rodriguez, BA. We appreciate his time and choosing to share his wisdom with us about handling confusion more constructively. Thank you! ~jp
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I thought Erasmus was a Greek or Roman and I couldn’t understand because I didn’t think they had nails in those days. I googled and found out he was a Dutch philosopher in the late 1400s. That explains his reference to nails, and my lack of understanding about it. Now, about habits. I believe the best way to deal with a habit that we don’t like, is to find an opposite, healthier habit and to start practicing it. Remember, “practice makes habit.” Also, remember when you’re practicing a new and healthier, opposite habit, you’re not reinforcing the old behavior! Finally, remember, as you’re developing a new and healthier habit, there’s going to be a period of confusion during the transition. The old habit will resist because it’s not being reinforced; the new habit is weak. You are the master of your behavior. My suggestion, in the midst of this kind of confusion, continue to practice the new habit. Eventually, the flack will go away. Super eventually, when the new habit is entrenched, the old behavior will seem strange. Practice, practice, practice! Keep pounding the new nail!
Peace, John
I invite you to become a guest blogger. It’s easy to find a quote that speaks to you and write a few sentences about it and what it means to you, or what it means in general. Send it all to me in an email with subject line reading “Guest blogger.” I will review and publish it, with gratitude, and with the hope that others will benefit from it as well. If you need some help, I can furnish you with a quote or several to pick from – I have hundreds of them. Let me know.
Peace, John
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“Gaslighting is a form of abuse – someone tries to tell you something didn’t happen when it did, or when a person tries to talk you out of something that actually happened. They deny reality in order to make you feel crazy, or as if you made it all up. Abusers use this tactic on their victims to escape accountability of their own actions.”
October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. “Domestic violence, also called intimate partner violence (IPV), domestic abuse or relationship abuse) is a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship.” ~ [definition taken from the National Domestic Violence Hotline website].
Gaslighting is one form of domestic violence.
I hadn’t known the term “gaslighting” until a year or two ago when an emotionally and verbally abused client taught it to me. I googled it and read about it. I was surprised that other clients had shared their experiences of it with me, but not the term. Someone attempts to alter your recollection of something that happened in an effort to get you questioning your memory and/or sanity. If they get you spinning around in circles and confusion, they believe you’ll never be able to hold them accountable for what they said or did. If this persists over time it can wear you down, causing you to doubt yourself and, in the extreme, to have a nervous breakdown.
If you are being physically, sexually, verbally or emotionally abused, reach out and get some help for yourself. In Connecticut, from a safe place, you can call 211, Infoline, or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. Also, in Connecticut, if you are not in a safe place, you can text 911. Don’t hang up and the police will locate you.
Peace, John
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“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity. It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” – Melody Beattie
Focusing on what we are grateful for forces us to shift our attention to the positives in our lives. While we don’t always have what we want, we usually have what we need. If we focus on the obstacles in our lives we will be seeing only one half of the picture. We need to take time to focus on those things in our life that are running smoothly. When we do so we balance our lives and keep our selves in touch with reality. It keeps us in today. Members of one of the groups that I run have started sending group e-mails to everybody in the group listing the things that they are grateful for that day. This has lifted the spirits of those being grateful as well as encouraging those who are reading. It also led to some humor which we were able to share with one another. What are you doing these days to develop that “attitude of gratitude” in your life? If you don’t know, why don’t you try starting a list every day of 5 things that you are grateful for that day? Try not to repeat any of them for at least a week. Then check in and see how you were feeling about things.
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“Drops wear down the stone, not by strength but by constant falling.” Anonymous
What a quote to drive home the message of persistence. You know, when people are making significant changes in their lives, they often start out with good intentions. Once they start the process of change, there often comes a lot of confusion. The new way is still pretty shaky and not very well entrenched; the old way still pulls them back to what is familiar and comfortable. Many people try once or twice and cannot handle the chaos involved in the change process. They slip back to the old way, to the old patterns, to the old habits. What is frequent and usual is not always functional or healthy! Those who are successful persist in the new thoughts and in the new behaviors until they become entrenched and the old ways feel alien. This takes some time and it is helpful if the new behaviors are reinforced constantly with the new beliefs. They don’t need to be strong; they just need to persist in the new habits, the new thoughts because they make sense and will get them to where they want to be. The willingness to persist comes from the same soft light within. What is it you are trying to change in your life and what do you need to persist at to get you there?
TOUCHPOINTS, from Personal Growth Concepts, Inc. 