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“Gaslighting is a form of abuse – someone tries to tell you something didn’t happen when it did, or when a person tries to talk you out of something that actually happened. They deny reality in order to make you feel crazy, or as if you made it all up. Abusers use this tactic on their victims to escape accountability of their own actions.”
October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. “Domestic violence, also called intimate partner violence (IPV), domestic abuse or relationship abuse) is a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship.” ~ [definition taken from the National Domestic Violence Hotline website].
Gaslighting is one form of domestic violence.
I hadn’t known the term “gaslighting” until a year or two ago when an emotionally and verbally abused client taught it to me. I googled it and read about it. I was surprised that other clients had shared their experiences of it with me, but not the term. Someone attempts to alter your recollection of something that happened in an effort to get you questioning your memory and/or sanity. If they get you spinning around in circles and confusion, they believe you’ll never be able to hold them accountable for what they said or did. If this persists over time it can wear you down, causing you to doubt yourself and, in the extreme, to have a nervous breakdown.
If you are being physically, sexually, verbally or emotionally abused, reach out and get some help for yourself. In Connecticut, from a safe place, you can call 211, Infoline, or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. Also, in Connecticut, if you are not in a safe place, you can text 911. Don’t hang up and the police will locate you.
Peace, John
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It’s more complicated than “just sadness.” It can be a whole cluster of feelings. It’s involuntary. No one decides to “be depressed.” It’s often overwhelming and it may have physical, psychological and social causes and implications. Physically, there may be serotonin and other biochemical imbalances or disease related causes and symptoms. Physical symptoms can include sleep disturbances, poor or excessive appetite, weight gain or loss. Psychologically one can feel tired, irritable, moody, blocked from enjoying things they usually enjoyed and powerless to effect change. Socially one can feel withdrawn, uninterested in other’s company and frustrated trying to keep up a happy face when expected.
If you or someone you love is depressed, know that help is available and effective in the majority of cases. Being properly diagnosed and treated is important. Find a knowledgeable licensed mental health professional to meet with or, discuss it with your primary care doctor. Help is within reach!
Peace, John
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What a way to start improving your self-esteem! The self-deprecation, self-loathing works against you feeling better about who you are and what you do! How many times a day do you catch yourself being self-critical? Full of self-put-downs? Have you become your own worst enemy?
What would it take to befriend your self? What do you need to hear from others to help you feel better about your self? Can you begin to say those things to your self? What has been stopping you?
What you “aren’t” is not of value. Start building on the foundation of who you are. If nothing else, tell yourself, “I have survived low self-esteem! Now, it’s my job to improve my situation. I am capable of it and, I am beginning now!”
Challenge the negative self-talk and replace it with positive self-talk. It won’t take as long as you might think to start improving. You are worth it! Persist to maintain it … and, keep yourself growing!
I wish you peace in who you are, and in all that you do!
Peace, John
TOUCHPOINTS, from Personal Growth Concepts, Inc. 