Gaslighting….10/27/19

“Gaslighting is a form of abuse –  someone tries to tell you something didn’t happen when it did, or when a person tries to talk you out of something that actually happened.  They deny reality in order to make you feel crazy, or as if you made it all up.  Abusers use this tactic on their victims to escape accountability of their own actions.”

October is Domestic Violence Awareness month.  “Domestic violence, also called intimate partner violence (IPV), domestic abuse or relationship abuse) is a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship.” ~ [definition taken from the National Domestic Violence Hotline website].

Gaslighting is one form of domestic violence.

I hadn’t known the term “gaslighting” until a year or two ago when an emotionally and verbally abused client taught it to me.  I googled it and read about it.  I was surprised that other clients had shared their experiences of it with me, but not the term.  Someone attempts to alter your recollection of something that happened in an effort to get you questioning your memory and/or sanity.  If they get you spinning around in circles and confusion, they believe you’ll never be able to hold them accountable for what they said or did.  If this persists over time it can wear you down, causing you to doubt yourself and, in the extreme, to have a nervous breakdown.

If you are being physically, sexually, verbally or emotionally abused, reach out and get some help for yourself.  In Connecticut, from a safe place, you can call 211, Infoline, or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.  Also, in Connecticut, if you are not in a safe place, you can text 911.  Don’t hang up and the police will locate you.

Peace, John

 

 

 

Communicating your way to a healthy relationship….. 7/7/14

“Communication is the single most important part of creating a healthy relationship. A relationship without communication is like a beautiful flower without water and sunlight, it will quickly wither and die. I don’t care if you think what you have to say is hurtful or you are afraid of expressing yourself, speak your truth. Be kind, but speak up and be honest. It’s easy to communicate when it’s good news and happy times, but it takes a truly authentic and courageous person to communicate openly and honestly when darkness falls on a relationship.” ~ Jackson Kiddard

Communication is also the single most important part of maintaining a healthy relationship. Communication is the transfer of information between two beings. In humans it can be done verbally, or nonverbally. The above quote implies that, if you want to kill a relationship, simply stop communicating; it will wither up and die. If you want to have a healthy and successful relationship, you need listen wisely, and think about what you  going to communicate. Then, say what you mean, mean what you say but, don’t say it mean! When was the last time you struggled with communicating? What was the obstacle? Was it you? Were you worried how the other person was going to feel or what they were going to think about you? What would you do if that, or a similar situation, presented itself again? What can you do to prevent darkness from falling on a relationship you care about?