Words and Actions……6/5/22

Learn to check yourself and whether you are consistent.  Learn also to be aware of others and whether they are congruent i.e. whether their words and behaviors are consistent.  Within ourselves, when this occurs, we create what we call “cognitive dissonance.”  We naturally don’t like being incongruent, so there is internal pressure to reduce the incongruence.  We do this by either changing our words or our actions.  This can be either healthier or sicker.  Try not to get caught up in others’ mixed messages.  When in doubt, I tend to trust the behavior rather than the verbiage.  Peace, John 

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Your Angry Iceberg ….. 3/20/16

Anger. I like to call it “an umbrella emotion.”  But, in truth, anger frequently has a “thinking-angry-thoughts” part as well as the potential for an “acting-angry” part.  When anger becomes a problem for people, it is often because all of those parts get meshed together and feed one another.  Mindfulness helps us to learn to see and keep the parts separate if we are to manage our feelings and not react angrily in situations.  Accepting our powerlessness and lowering our expectations helps us create that mindfulness.

Now, back to the umbrella-ness of feeling angry.  We sometimes use anger to protect us from a variety of feelings.  It is easier to say “I’m angry,” than it is to go deeper and get in touch with the painful feelings that underlies it.  Feelings like, sad, loss, hurt, rejected, powerless, grief, disappointed, anxious, afraid and many others.  Easier isn’t always better!  It’s been said that you have to “feel it to heal it.”  Healing is an inside job of feeling the feelings, accepting them and mindfully choosing healthy ways to think and behave.  Unfortunately, when people say “I feel angry” or “I am angry” the next word is “at….”  That takes them away from dealing with their feelings about what is happening and places the focus externally onto somebody or something.  That does not help the healing and learning from process.  When you feel angry, are you able to verbalize it?  Do you focus on yourself at those times or “out there?”  Which direction would be more helpful for you to go?  Once you choose a direction, what are your choices?            Peace,                                                                                                                                                                                 John