Words and Actions……6/5/22

Learn to check yourself and whether you are consistent.  Learn also to be aware of others and whether they are congruent i.e. whether their words and behaviors are consistent.  Within ourselves, when this occurs, we create what we call “cognitive dissonance.”  We naturally don’t like being incongruent, so there is internal pressure to reduce the incongruence.  We do this by either changing our words or our actions.  This can be either healthier or sicker.  Try not to get caught up in others’ mixed messages.  When in doubt, I tend to trust the behavior rather than the verbiage.  Peace, John 

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What is Addiction? 10/4/15

I don’t fully believe this quote!  I believe addiction usually starts with an irrational belief that sounds something like this, “I should always feel happy” or “I should always feel okay,” or some other belief about how one should feel.  This is usually contrary to the way one is feeling.  When there’s a conflict between what we feel and what we believe we should feel, there is an internal drive to reduce that conflict, or as it’s professionally called, “cognitive dissonance.”  Addiction tells us to take something “out there” into our “in here” that will change our experience.  When we do this we’ve artificially changed our experience to fit our irrational belief.  Certain substances, alcohol, other drugs, certain behaviors and codependent relationships will, almost 100%guaranteed, change our feeling state.  This happens in the short run and usually wears off leaving us with the original not-so-ok feelings, as well as guilt because what we did didn’t work and frustration because now we have several not-so-ok feelings.  This combination makes us feel worse and, still holding onto the irrational belief that we should feel better, drives us to repeat the same steps. Addiction is a short-term solution for a long-term problem; it is progressive and, if left untreated, will get worse over time.

Recovery begins by stopping the substance or behavior and then changing our irrational belief about our feelings.  The healthier belief is: “I should feel whatever it is I am feeling.”  We don’t have to like the feelings but it’s helpful if we can identify them, accept them and, accept those parts of ourselves in the process.  Finding a new way to deal with our feelings is key to the recovery process once the addictive behavior is stopped.  The Big Book of AA states: “Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today…..” Acceptance of feelings is definitely part of the recovery process.

Feeling empty is one of the feelings that people often drink or drug to help them manage.  The “something out there” never can fill up what Bradshaw calls, “the hole in the soul.” It’s a pipedream hope!  That hole can be healed by identifying the feelings and accepting them as where we’re at right now.  Feelings are not forever.  We can find other ways to fill the hole in our soul. These new ways don’t rely on chemicals, behaviors or other people. If we don’t, we recycle the emotional pain with addiction.  If we do, we find ourselves experiencing new facets of our self. Recovery from all addictions is an inside job but best done with others already in or struggling with their own recovery.  Remember, the first word of the first step of Alcoholics Anonymous is “We!”