You are currently browsing the tag archive for the ‘behaving’ tag.
A few weeks ago on my blog I wrote about the futility of trying to change someone who doesn’t see the need for change. This is a good sequel to that blog. When people get “worked up” our tendency is to want them to calm down so that we don’t get “worked up” with them. This doesn’t work anymore than trying to get a clown from behaving as a clown! If you keep the focus on your self, your best bet maybe to keep your self calm. Doing so will keep you grounded, in charge of your self, and may help the other person regain composure and calmness. I must admit, it’s hard to do, but there’s usually no sense in getting worked up with them. Peace, John
Share this:
Emotionally, sage advice, don’t you think? A lot of people think they can’t heal from a variety of abusive experiences. Not true! Healing is possible. Staying away from current abusive situations is important because a wound can’t heal while the knife is still in it wiggling around. Once free of abuse, finding safe people to be supportive and a program/habit of sharing your feelings, your experiences and discovering new ways of behaving are helpful in the healing process. All must be done in safe places and with safe people. Remember: who you associate with is what you learn, what you learn is what you practice and what you practice determines who you become. Work on becoming! Peace, John
Share this:
Imagine an adult who grew up in a dysfunctional family talking to his parents, “When I was a kid you taught me that the earth was flat, North was West and that 2+2 equaled 4. It took me a long time to figure out that the earth was not flat, it was the opposite of what you told me. It was round. When I applied that to North was West I came up with North was East. I haven’t quite figured that one out yet, and I haven’t gotten to 2+2 = 4!”
I believe I got the above ideas from a Garrison Keillor tape that I had listened to a number of years ago. The point being there was a lot of misinformation given when the child was growing up. Part of the tragedy is that no reliable yardsticks were given to measure what you were told and how accurate it was. Barbara Walters once said the hardest thing to do is to “learn to trust your gut and find out what works for you.” Adults from dysfunctional families usually have a difficult time figuring out what’s true and what works for them.
Surviving a dysfunctional family and learning healthier ways does not need to be trial and error. By God’s grace some of us have learned and can teach others healthier ways of dealing with their feelings, thoughts and behaviors. Are you a willing student? Peace, John
2 + 2 = ???
I invite you to become a guest blogger. It’s easy à find a quote that speaks to you and write a few sentences about it and what it means to you, or what it means in general. Send it all to me in an email with subject line reading “Guest blogger.” I will review and publish it, with gratitude, and with the hope that others will benefit from it as well. If you need some help, I can furnish you with a quote or several to pick from – I have hundreds of them. Let me know. Peace, John
Share this:
My staff and I spend a considerable amount of time repairing those “broken adults.” A lot of it involves re-parenting, i.e. , caring about, teaching and role modeling. There is no instruction manual for new parents; most do the best they can. Some parents didn’t have good role models and don’t know how. Many, in fear, don’t want to make the same mistakes they think their parents made, so they do just the opposite. Opposite strategies usually aren’t much better. Think “middle of the road.” Children need to learn respect, how to compromise and negotiate, good decision-making and how to think logically and rationally for themselves and about others (empathy). It’s been said, what children live with they learn, what they learn they practice and what they practice, they become. If they weren’t fortunate in having healthy parents, they can relearn, but they have to make the choice to hang out with healthier people and learn different ways of thinking, behaving, and dealing with their feelings. Getting a set of healthier friends and a good therapist usually helps. It’s twofers – it helps them and their children! Win-win, definitely a different way for them to think! Peace, John
How to leave a comment on this blog:
First, make sure that you are on the actual blog:
https://personalgrowthconcepts.wordpress.com (this is important if you are viewing the Touchpoints blog post on Facebook, LinkedIn, other locations or, if it has been forwarded to you by someone else). Above the picture and/or quote there is a title and a date. Just below that, in small print, are the categories and the tags. These are helpful if you’re using the search feature. At the end of those there are the words, “leave a comment.” Click on that and follow the directions. Once you have typed your comment and click send, I will be notified and approve the comment before it will be visible to all. Please let me know if you have any trouble with this.
Share this:
When I deal with people, I see them as a combination of thoughts, feelings and behaviors, all wrapped up in what I call soul or spirit. As such, feelings are a part of you. I believe too many people give too much power to their feelings and, when they have a strong one, believe that’s who they are. Thus, if one feels a lot of anger, they might say “I am angry.” When they say it that way, I’m pretty sure they are feeling angry feelings, thinking angry thoughts and usually acting/behaving angrily. In short, they ARE angry – all parts of them are angry. If they were to try saying “I feel angry,” then only a part of them is feeling angry – the other parts are free to think and choose to act differently. So, don’t be afraid to feel what you feel. It’s only a part of you. It doesn’t need to be the part that is in control of the other parts of you. You get to make that decision!
Peace, John
If you enjoyed this blog post, I encourage you to share it with your friends on social media. Encourage them to sign up. Thank you
Share this:
“God did not put me here for other
people’s approval.”
I love this quote – another pearl of wisdom from one of my clients.
How much easier would life be if we remembered this simple truth? We run around in our busy lives frequently worried about what other’s think of us. It impacts what we think, what we say and what we do.
What would happen if, even for a little while, we would think, speak and act based on what it is we approve of, for ourselves? That’s not to say that we run amok, heedless of other people’s feelings and rights. But rather, behaving in a way that speaks to our own internal truth, using the Golden Rule as a guide, satisfying one’s own sense of approval.
Often, we are our own toughest critics so, gaining our own approval is a tall order. Yet to seek approval from everyone else proves to be a moving target at best, and often an impossible task which dooms us to failure and disappointment.
If we conduct ourselves in a way that inspires pride in ourselves, then we no longer need that external validation of our worth. Absent that need for others’ approval, one empowers one’s authentic self.
A special thank you today to Arden Church, one of our counselors, for her contribution as a guest blogger. In addition to following us on Facebook and Twitter, you can also follow Personal Growth Concepts, Inc. on Facebook (@PersonalGrowthConceptsInc) and on Twitter (@PGCCounseling). Peace, John
Share this:
“It only takes one person to change your life–YOU!” ~Ruth Casey
It’s been said that 95% of the cells that make up your body die and are replaced gradually over a seven-year period. That means that several years from now, you could be an entirely different person! That’s in the physical realm. What about the psycho-emotional realm? I believe that, if you want to change your life, you can be a different person in less than seven years! It takes mindfulness, having a game plan that makes sense and, sticking to it (i.e. persistence). It takes an openness to change, a willingness to change old habits, old ways of thinking and behaving into new ways of thinking and dealing with situations. It usually also takes a different way of looking at the world, dealing with your feelings and making healthier choices. Are you up for it? What can you do today to begin the process of changing your self?
TOUCHPOINTS, from Personal Growth Concepts, Inc. 